The Dog's Name

Translated by
Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones, Jnr
Wednesday, April 16, 2008

The hardest thing about being cheated on, at least in my book, is this...

...you have to reconcile that the skill you thought you had in assessing people and judging character is bullshit, that you are in fact a fucking idiot, and the faith and trust you put in someone else is flawed and that the flaw originates not with them* but with you.

There is no point in sugar coating it, if you are cheated on...you are blind, stupid and a poor judge of person...and as much as people want to tell you that you are a good person, you have been wronged you still have to accept that the faith and trust you put in someone was misplaced, and your decision to believe someone was totally misguided.

And honestly...

...WTF does that say about you?

Sure the fact that someone you had feelings for opened their legs or slipped their dick into someone or something else hurts. Sure there is the betrayal of trust and the break down of the tacit understanding of exclusivity and all areas access. The imagined wondering of the pleasure "if" (ie: what if they had more pleasure than from you?) compounds the angst and the brain spins this into more hurt...

...but if you are really honest, and I mean 110% then what hurts the most is the trust you gave someone was discarded with such ease. That the faith you put in someone, the trust you had for their integrity could be so wrong...

...and what eats away at you, is a simple, what does it really say about you?

* This of course does not negate that I believe that those who cheat are on an evolutionary scale slighty below a maggot, since it is the control of our urges, the honoring of our words with correct action that makes us who we should be.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: A New Black Book

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Infidelity, Relationships

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00

10 Comments:

watergirl said...: I think it doesn't say anything about you other than the fact that you are human. One of the main problems with infidelity is that it leaves the one cheated on more upset and more hurt and more uneasy than the cheater. This is not right!
Upon further thought.. it goes into another category of really knowing someone. I think the fact is.. as humans do we ever really know each other? Being cheated on doesn't mean you are a poor judge of character.. it just means that the girl is a human being and human beings are filled with surprises.. it's all part of the big risk!; 08:40
Farrell said...: what if they suck at lying and you catch them straight-away? are you still an idiot?
At the same time, one of the hardest "lessons" i had to learn--that my mom taught me--was that I too was in that relationship (with my ex) and I too played a role.
I'd like to say he left me because I got fat, but truth is, there's more to it than that.
Also, I'm not easy to live with:); 12:35
GiggleWorthy said...: Being cheated on left me with absolutely no faith in my own judgement.

Every man I met, who I liked and thought I might be able to trust, I would then start second guessing myself - because clearly my judgement was flawed (being cheated on wasn't the only 'proof' I had of flawed judgement).

There were a few men that suffered because of that. Who probably could have been trusted that weren't, that were blown off when they shouldn't have been, who were on the receiving end of blatant mistrust and who didn't get anywhere near the sort of communication and honesty they were probably entitled to.

It's heard to learn the lesson but forget the bitterness and hurt.; 13:12
expat@large said...: On an evolutionary scale, cheating weighs very heavily in the positive side of the progression of the humnan species. We evolved to cheat for the heterozygotic advantage of having a range of DNA, we evolved to be aggreived at someone cheating and to try keep our partners prize DNA for ourselves, we evolved to lie to cover our cheating, we evolved to detect liers and cheaters, we evolved to be even better liers, etc... It's The Red Queen. Matt Ridley suggests that this cycle IS the main reason for our intellectual capacity advancing over that of the maggott.; 15:11
M said...: I half agree with you - that is I agree that IF the cheated upon takes them back or somehow has an inkling it's going on but doesn't kick some arse out the door then they are to blame. Ignoring the signs = dumb.

However, I have a strong belief that cheaters are slightly sociopathic. You have to be to treat someone else like that and STILL be able to live with yourself. So if you're dealing with a slightly sociopathic person then you're dealing with someone adept at lying and being generally deceitful - it can be really hard to make good character judgements on someone like that.; 17:05
Skippy-san said...: I find your assesment more than a little harsh. After all, relationships change over time and for many the ardor cools-especially with women. They fail to provide what once was expected.

Now I would also submit that mentally humans do cheat-but in their minds have to preserve the idea that their mate is being exclusive. We can't seem to mentally live with open relationships. I just don't think the human being is wired to do so.

And what about the person(s) who are sexually mis-matched? I know plenty of people who get along quite fine-except for the fact that one partner has somehow decided not to provide sex in sufficient quantities. The other needs it just as much as he ever did, so they are at an impasse, With the daily clock of life still ticking away.

However to blame the cheatee for anything is a stretch IMHO.; 05:37
Indiana said...: E@L: Ahhh so the evolution of the species is not to propogate the strong, but to make us better at decieving and lying.

mmmm...with that revelation, much is explained.

Skippy: Yet in all our failures there is only one common denominator...us. So the blame, must, at least some time, and partially reside with self.; 07:19
Anonymous said...: Hmmm, the world you and your friends live in sounds quite nice, Indy - but everyone will cheat, given the opportunity, the belief they can get away with it, and sufficient temptation. Once it was very hard to get away with, (especially for women) but in these times of ubiquitous communication and transport methods there are so many chances to flirt and chat secretly, and opportunities to arrange meetings, and reasons to be away from home…… well, let me just advise you to NEVER start spying on your beloved, as the surprises can be a bit shocking. It is far, far better to live on in blissful trust. (as you, apparently, do). mkwe; 18:15
Indiana said...: mkwe: Firstly, I do not think tat everyone cheats, while I concur that opportunity and temptation play a huge part in it, I do believe there are those people who can and do remain true to their word.

And secondly you are right, even post break-up as information comes to light as social groups overlap you find yourself realising your delusion and seeing the "good feeling" you had of someone eroded by hidden truths.

As for blissful or even ignorant trust, I still think that I would rather look on someone with trust then without it...so I guess I will continue as I have...I might just tread a little slower next time round.; 07:54
Amber said...: I've been cheated on and I 110% agree with what you wrote here.

Even though it sucks to have to admit it.

It doesn't negate their actions or the fact that what they did was absolute and total CRAP, especially when you're in a "serious relationship" but...

On top of all that hurt and the insecurity it breeds within yourself, you can't help but question your own ability to judge character. It's like the happy little world that you're skipping along in, is suddenly off-kilter and you start questioning everything.

Which just makes you that much more angry -- not only with that person, but at the root of it, with yourself for being so wrong.

Great observation, Indy.; 07:57