The Dog's Name

Translated by
Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones, Jnr
Tuesday, April 22, 2008

I was going to write my 2 cents opinion on an article that appeared in The Straits Times (and I still might) but some recent exchanges that are along the same general thread that: to show a girl you love her, you have to spoil her, has gotten me thinking about materialism, gifts and basically the "purchase of love"...

Interestingly one of the things that has been repeated to me from different sources is that one reason I may be single is that maybe I do not "spoil" my girlfriends enough, or rather I do not shower them with enough material gifts, or as one insight was offered,

"Every woman likes to be pampered, likes to be given small gifts. No matter how financially independent she is. It doesn't matter how many dinners out you have had, it doesn't matter whatever edible free meals you give her. Basically, she wants – maybe not bags, nor shoes, nor lingerie – shiny things. I mean, perfumes (it doesn't cost much! Only $75!), jewellery, jewellery, shiny jewellery."

and

"Girls want stuff they cannot afford (then the gift will be considered "sweet") – it's the sole reason why men still earn tons more than women, even if the position/authority is the same. Unless you are telling me you bought her a Spa package costing $500++ to $1000++ at Spa Botanica in Sentosa Resort and Spa – now THAT'S a different story altogether! I thought you "men" should know these things! Haha!!! Why am I "teaching" you? ;)"

...mmm...

...apart from the obvious, why would I even want to be with such a materialistic leach? I have to wonder if there is some merit in what was being suggested by this friend? I know a couple have said I am too nice, and one said I was the perfect blend of cad and gentleman, but do I need to do the "credit card stretch' more often to be more successful in love?

...mmm...

Talking to a few of the "Blokes at the Pub", the general consensus seemed to be that a bunch of flowers or two, nice dinners, theatre etc... Was the perfect level to spend in the first 3-4 months. One offered that the odd set of lingerie was also acceptable, maybe even a trip away together after a 2-3 months but that until they knew that the lady was actually going to be around for a while and wanted them for more than just the Credit Card, they would limit the fiscal splurges to dating style activities, that the real gifts come when the relationship shifted from one of like to one of love...

...and yet women seem to think that once it moves to love the being pampered stops.

So is it the actual act of gifts that it is important or is it rather the timing? Have women simply become more impatient to receive while men have become more cautious to give?

Or rather is this merely one of those dating hurdles unique to geography and culture that I have yet to recognise or in fact, I am simply "stingy"?

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed:

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Dating, Gifts, Love For Sale

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00

12 Comments:

watergirl said...: Interesting... I dated a fairly well off guy for some time who did lavish gifts upon me but I found that I somewhat resented him for it. It became too quickly all about the gifts and less about him. It also became easy for him to please me.. spend money money money and I was supposedly a happy camper.
Ultimately I did not like feeling like this and the imbalance (my bank account was suffering) made me feel somewhat insecure.

I have come to believe that simple gifts are the best... little token presents.. not necessarily expensive but little things that let a girl know you are thinking about her. Could be something really little but meaningful. An X once gave me a vile of sand from the beach where we had our first date.. little but meaningful is the way to go.. keeps the attention on the "us"..; 09:23
sofia said...: how to spot a leech: does she obviously like the thoughtful and meaningful gifts, or simply the ones that scream 'money'?

that said, an expensive gift (or two) in the beginning shows you are willing to spoil her. not every woman wants a guy who will spoil her rotten, but every woman wants to know he is perfectly willing to do so, especially if he can well afford it. the rest of the time, you can stick with meaningful.; 10:52
expat@large said...: Save your hard-earend plastic for the next PS3 or Xbox game bachelor boy, and really get your money's worth! ;-); 15:11
M said...: neither - it's about demonstrating how much you love them - which is infinitely harder! Watergirl is right on the money. They will know becuase you say it, because you're an awesome boyfriend, because you would never think of cheating and because you don't leer at other women then I doubt you'd ever hear a complaint about spending money on presents. It's when all the REAL substance is lacking that these things come into play. I do think that gift giving is important - of course it is. It's important for our mums, and dads our children and our grandparents. I give gifts to the mums that come in and help in the classroom. I give gifts to the office lady for letting me spend more money than I'm entitled in my budget. I give gifts because it's a nice thing to do. It's not just about women wanting gifts that cost a lot - it's just a nice thing to do.

Anyway, maybe go visit Sarah's entry about what her boyfriend did for her. Only small-change involved and just check her excitement about that. Then check the excitement in the comments too - maybe that will put things into a bit more perspective.

I do have to say however, for a self confessed shallow guy I'm wondering why you're so worried about women being shallow for once. I mean, if you're so prepared to defend your decision to be then why down someone else for it? :PPPPP; 16:12
Farrell said...: do you really want to stretch your credit card for a materalistic woman? The "gifts" I like best are not monetary. Someone cooking me dinner, calling to say good night and sweet dreams, telling me I look fabulous when we go out...etc.; 20:00
Andrea Wh@tever said...: it's all about managing expectations, babe.; 21:48
Sonia Gonsalvez said...: where do we sign up for "win a date with indy"... but can u increase the word limit? lol; 22:35
The Dude said...: I hate to say this, and I'm probably walking on very thin ice here-- but one way or another, all women are material leeches. Sure, they say they don't mind the "simple" things in life, but secretly, they're wishing you'd show up with that solitaire diamond.

I'm playing it safe by telling myself if I wanna get lucky and get laid, I'll have to allow myself to be leeched anyway.

Or maybe I'm just dating all the "wrong" women. :P; 08:09
lucy said...: I meant to comment on this yesterday but got too angry.

Women who expect and demand gifts are selfish prats who don't deserve gifts.

I would much prefer my partner to cook me dinner or listen to me vent about my hard day or buy a book he knew I'd wanted to read.

Demanding/expecting gifts is tantamount to emotional blackmail and makes a woman look like a whore if in her head the amount someone loves her is equal to how much they spend on her.

You keep doing what you're doing Henry and avoid any woman who loves you for the size of your wallet only.
Ergh.

she needs gifts; 13:47
lucy said...: And yes, The Dude - you are dating the wrong kind of women.; 13:47
Anonymous said...: I fell in love further when he made his first attempt at making pancakes for me for breakfast.

It all depends on the type of women you chase Indy, i wouldn't bother with women who hanker after gifts.

The thought counts, and it is nice to be pampered but there is more to r/s than just pampering.

T; 14:14
The Horny Bitch said...: Means my boyfriend is a lucky guy. Now I know what he meant when he said I am the most low maintainence girl he had ever met.; 21:09