Cab Driver (CB): No wife, you confirmed bachelor!
Indy: ~laughing~ Maybe. ~thinking~ am I?
CB: You look like Clooney, he's a bachelor too? Are you on date?
Indy: ~laughing~ Yes.
CB: Girlfriend?
Indy: No, but I get a feeling that she would like to be.
CB: Do you want her to be?
Indy: ~laughing~ Confirmed Bachelor, remember? ~thinking~ Honestly, it's way too early to tell?

I get cab conversations like this all the time, the smattering of probing questions asked in innocence by someone who spends their life ferrying all aspects of humanity from place to place with a purpose and reason irrelevant to the actual journey.

This one left me wondering if being a "confirmed bachelor" really was and is who I am for the moment? And while there is nothing wrong with that...am I setting others up for hurt I don't wish to visit on them? Am I somehow leaving them less than when I found them?

Honestly...arrogantly...fuck I hope not.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: Levels Of Friendship

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Wisdom, Self Understanding, Musing

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 19 comment(s)

"Sometimes the words we read are not the words that someone else wrote"
- Me

But with whom does the responsibility of that lay, he who reads the words and mis-reads the meaning or he who with clumsy hand set forth thoughts not well reasoned, argued or explained?

And while in a very-pratchetesque way maybe the words written do not actually fulfil there purpose until they are read, so as a reader and a writer, where should the care really lay?

Is it the words that matter, or he who reads them?

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: Crushed Nuts

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Writing, Musings

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 7 comment(s)

"You invited me up here to play battleship, is that not a universal sign for sex"
- How I met you mother.

or

"Would you like coffee?"

The subtle signals that woman use and that men offer as part of the mating dance. But when is a signal a signal and when is it just what it is?

I have a confession...I am crap at signals.

I can tell if a girl is completely uninterested, I have no trouble interpreting the "I'm just not that into you" messages, no matter how subtle they may be sent. But for the life of me I cannot tell if a girl actually likes me, if her subtle signals are being sent as "like" or "really like" I cannot for the life of me fathom the little nuances used to by women to demonstrate an interest level which says "yes, ask me out again"

I can easily read those signals when the same woman directs them at another guy, but if you ask me am I a blip on her "radar of interest" I admit I have a power failure and end up not knowing, or maybe worse, not really believing what I see.

Why?

My best introspective guess is self-doubt.

And while rationally I know, that a woman who likes you will spend time with you, will not be "too busy" to even just 'hang out", that she will kiss you and that she will actually initiate touch with you, I still doubt it when its happening...it's like I need to see and experience the action but also hear the words...I guess the talk and walk are at least initially both equally important. But over time words without action are simply the hollow echo that does little to encourage and everything to inspire doubt.

I think too many negative experiences, too many wasted attempts of time and effort have led me to the point where I would rather think pessimistically and then be surprised, than live optimistically and then be disappointed.

And yet if I look at the recent past...

She touches your arm while excusing herself to go to the bathroom.

She offers to drive you home after dinner.

She follows up with an sms after said dinner thanking you and telling you she had a great time.

She agrees that meeting after the craziness of the silly season would be something she would enjoy, and follows up with a "make sure you call me" and a wink.

You catch her staring at your lips/chest/crotch with a "lustful" look.

She comes out and asks can she you again...and soon.

Ok, so maybe I am better at it than I think?

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: Why Here?

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Signals, Dating, Women

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 8 comment(s)

men fear of lifelong monogamy
[ google results here | search led here ]

"Alright, let me be the first to say congratulations to then. You get one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart Frank. Way to work it through."
- Beanie, Old School

Its not the monogamy that men fear, its not even the thought of an all-access exclusive only ticket to one vag...

...its making the wrong choice.

We don't fear being committed, honorable, or even beholden and beholding one person...we fear that in making the decision, that as soon as we do that someone better, or rather better for us will enter our lives...we fear that then having made a promise, we will have to live up to our word and resign ourselves to something less than we desired, and that everyday will have its moments of regret and unanswerable longing.

We fear making a decision from which there is no return.

Or maybe thats all bullshit, and rather its what I fear...maybe I just lack the conviction of self to make decisions as experience has shown me that those made for my heart have usually been wrong.

---

M (of Miscellany): You asked why no talk on the new girl? Simple, I rarely talk about anyone I am currently seeing, well not in detail, and not where she may read it...and in truth there is not much to say, words like unsure, cautious, trepidation or even questioning pause, speak to my fears and maybe not the whole picture and yet they capture the essence of something that is for the moment very much in its early stages, so has that "nervousness of the new", but still very much has the signs of being ok.

And yet, even that word choice makes me think...I am not sure if "ok" is good enough, or is it just that I have been single for so long, I look for faults that aren't there as an excuse to prolong a state I have grown used to?

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: You Call That Art?

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Monogamy, Relationships, Decisions

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 19 comment(s)

A comment I left here...

"head or heart, the age old and eternal debate"

It's no real secret that I usually let my heart lead, the history of my relationships is littered with the evidence and remnants of decisions that were all heart led...many of those decisions regretted, and some even haunt my quiet moments with a twinge of longing, for a more innocent and trusting self.

Yet lately I have been making decisions from my head, I don't really know at what point my choices switched from heart to head*, but I am not sure that the decisions made with it in charge have been any more successful, rather still leading to a series of regrets and no small measure of longing.

So should it be head or heart? Or rather should it instead of "or" rather be "and", the gentle mix of both, blended, compromised...and therefore a "settling"? Which is something I would not wish to do?...and yet something I feel pulled to do as reality and loneliness really begins to take its toll, and maybe its something that time is finally leading me to realise is the way it works the best for all concerned...maybe the gentle blending of both, the pragmatic romantic is the place we all should aspire to?

* Actually I do...someone I loved made a decision with her head instead of her heart...and I woke up and realised that maybe I had been doing it all wrong, since heart-led had not led me anywhere I really wanted to go again, so I decided to start letting my head lead.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: What Its All About

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Thinking, Decisions

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 11 comment(s)

Trust me while doing an interview about "flirting" with a very attractive journalist, to end up with a promise to meet for drinks at a later date...purely for professional follow up of course ~grin~ but I have to wonder if the "interview" had not been so full of hinted ripostes or the interviewer less attractive would I have been so fast to agree to "drinks"*...erm...probably not. ~grin~

"You are like a greyhound pup in a field full of rabbits"

Years ago, while living in a town with a population smaller than most High Schools, I was described as such by a friend...what she meant was that like the said pup I would chase one rabbit, nipping and biting at their heels my focus concentrated until a flash of colour or movement would see me turn to chase another...the end result is a win for the rabbits and a score of zero for the tired pup.

But I have decided after this weekend that it is not my fault...

...honestly.

I am now officially blaming women.

I mean seriously, you are all born temptresses...a poor guy after months of fruitless and often frustrating searching finally finds a woman that excites him on enough levels for him to think about and even attempt to have a relationship and what do the women of the world do, they all come out of the woodwork with tempting offers of meetings with flirtatious hints at "possibilities"**...I swear its a conspiracy, albeit a lovely, delicious and very tempting conspiracy?

But seriously where were all these temptations while I was mired in my singlehood? Do women just lay in wait until you start to see someone to spring their interest on you?

* PD: I so feel for you now, and your dilema of a few weeks ago. But like you said, "it is just a drink"...and if I believed in it I would so be going to hell.
** E@L: I know you don't believe in the idea of god, but this has to be considered strong annecdotal evidence for the existence of an organised evil in the world?

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: Nothing

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Women, Dating, Temptation

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 13 comment(s)

"I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future."
- Richard Jeni.

And my evil-side* wonders if I can top that list of regret...both the good column and the bad.

I got my first tattoo when I was 19, a few days shy of my 20th birthday, I was living just outside Perth, and the simple two-word inking on the inside of my forearm was a right of passage that had its history mired a lot more in pragmatism than one might have thought, and yet was probably just as identifying as any of the more elaborate offerings that others I knew elsewhere indulged for the same sense of belonging. The two words were simply "O Positive" and looking back it probably says a whole lot about me, that time, and the men I shared it with than I really have ever considered or even thought to. I guess it was just one of those things you do when you are young...some of which you regret.

I was 29 when I had it painfully removed by laser...today no vestige of it remains, and the skin in the spot looks smooth and unblemished.

A few years after having the first one removed, while living the Jimmy Buffett lifestyle in the islands I decided to get my second.

So X number of years of sun-drenched play have seen the ink start to "bleed" a little and the once black tribal is starting to look decidedly bluish, with the odd faded patch looking more grey than the original black design I created and had inked...so just like PD, I think the demands of vanity extend far enough that a touch up is now in order.

Which presents a quandary...I have always liked my tat, which is a good thing since it is basically, barring some painful and expensive laser treatment, permanent. I like that the design was/is mine and that it really does say something about me, my identity and even the cultural connection I feel to home no matter how far I travel.

So apart from its "bleeding" and therefore obscuring of some of the finer detail, I only have one problem with it...I have always wished it was slightly bigger. (I will now offer a pause while you all snigger into your coffee's with all the Freudian allusions you can infer...

...ok, finished, or do you need a little longer ~grin~)

But the same design can't be enlarged since that would necessitate too much "flesh" coloured ink laid over existing black to keep the design clean looking...which I know will be a recipe for disaster and will involve either further touch ups or end up as an ugly mess sitting under my epidermis...so I am resigned to keeping it the same size. (pauses again for the snorting to stop)

Or,

Going for a complete mask and having the existing design covered up with a revised yet still original design by me (am thinking something aboriginal inspired) that is still true to the original and still very valid reasons behind why I got the second one in the first (or is that second) place.

Probably more important, consider either one or the other needs to be done, is where on this little island should I go to get said work done?

Oh, and in regards to the opening quote it’s no secret that I find tattoo's on a woman sexy.

Note: I thought of posting a pic, but my tattoo is pretty unique and anyone seeing it would identify me as readily as if I just posted a photo of my own mug.

* If you can stretch your imagination far enough to believe I have an evil side.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: Bucket Theory - Defense

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Tattoo

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 18 comment(s)

"These days people know the price of everything and the value of nothing."
- Oscar Wilde

I think I have often gaged relationships in terms of what I put in to them, the personal cost in terms of effort, time and even money measured against what I get...I know the "price" I pay but have very rarely acknowledged the "value" until something, or rather someone is no longer mine.

I would like to think that this is a learned behaviour, a pattern of selfish defence born from the tangle of failed relationships...at least I hope it is, I hope it is not simply a part of who I am. For while either situation points to a not entirely nice characteristic, I think it will be easier to change a learned behaviour rather than one that has existed "as me".

I do wonder when my relationships became a cost analysis, at what point the price became measurable not in terms of love but rather some tangential fixation of desired "ticks"? I wonder when did I stop chasing my dream and instead expect it to chase me? When did I stop realising the value of what was gained was worth any price, or in fact, all prices?

When?

And maybe more sadly and with greater regret, with who?

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: What Came First

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Relationships, Wisdom

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 16 comment(s)

In the begining there was nothing, and it exploded.
- Terry Pratchett (on the big bang theory)

in·fi·nite [in -fuh-nit] Unlimited or immeasurable in extent of space, duration of time, etc.: unbounded; boundless; endless.

ex·pand [ĭk-spānd'] To increase the size, volume, quantity, or scope of; enlarge: To open (something) up or out; spread out.

mmmm...nothing exploded and from that we get everything...riggghhhhhttttt

Scientists tell us space is infinite and yet it is also expanding. huh?

So basically something already without limits is getting bigger...but you have to wonder what it's getting bigger into if its already endless...

...or is it simply one of those ideas like the "Trinity"*?

Now if that is not a leap beyond logic I am not sure what is...one might even further the opinion that it is almost a "leap of faith". ~grin~

* Not the hot chick in leather, but rather "big daddy, junior and the spook".

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: But I Was Drunk

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Science, Illogical

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 3 comment(s)

No matter what rules, theories, ideas or even postulated models that you create, read or utilise to both explain dating and to help navigate the minefield that is the same...you really only need to remember one thing:

All rules were meant to be broken.

But doing so does not always make us happy...though it is tremendous fun (at the time). ~grin~

So I am going to put to paper, or rather fingers to keyboard to give the most important piece of dating advice that I have...garnered from not only my experience, but those of my friends, my friend’s friends and even from complete strangers, this is all you ever need to know.

1. Accept that some people are attracted to you being yourself and some are not...you need to cultivate and chase the ones that are, and accept that there is no point beating yourself up or trying to change either yourself or the minds of the ones that don't.

2. Be yourself...now it might take you a few years and some trial and error to actually find out who you are, but once you have a pretty clear picture of the person in the mirror, be that person.

That's it.

There is no secret formula, there are some pretty good explanations, some not bad guides and a few wild theories to try to explain it, but all these serve to do is give you a very lose framework with which to try to make sense of something that in all probability is not supposed to make any sense at all.

Some people like you, some people don't. Some people like you a lot, and for some the idea of getting naked with you is something akin to masturbating with sandpaper*.

All you can do is remember one thing about life.

It goes on, until one day it doesn't...you get to decide what you do with your time, and who you do it with.

* Slightly amusing but mostly painful.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: For The Love Of Pussy

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Dating, Relationships, Wisdom

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 6 comment(s)

"Be Present."
- Beau Burroughs
Rumour Has It

"See you're thinking. Don't. 'cause Sgt, you can't control who gets hit or who doesn't, who falls out of the chopper or why. It ain't up to you. It's just war...look, should have or would have. It don't matter, you'll get plenty of time to think about that later, believe me..."
- Norm "Hoot" Hooten
Blackhawk Down

Two quotes...one that says its ok to think about things, that examination, reflection and even questions are fine but that they must have their time and their place...the other suggests that the secret to life is living in each moment, of enjoying and living not in the tomorrow or the yesterday, but in that very moment.

Sofia commented on this post that it was good to see me "write about simpler pleasures without analysis" and I guess there is some validity to her comment in that I would be one of the first to say an unexamined life is one not really worth living and one in which a person does not and will not grow, and so I do tend to spend much of my time writing "in examination". Yet I also think that a time for reflection is time valuably spent, and is something we all need to do with some of our time, providing one has something to actually reflect on...which I guess is where the "just living" and the "simpler pleasures" comes in...

...and yet, turning the "thinking off" is not as easy as it sounds.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: An Empty Urn

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Sex, Relationships

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 6 comment(s)