Today's modern guy has a lot of shit* he has to carry around but unlike women we don't have the purse with which to act as a universal carry all in which to lug this crap...so they came up with the Murse, or the Man-Bag.

Now I really am not sure if I have an opinion on this, save that what ever happened to the humble backpack? Why is not no longer the option for a man who has to lug around some shit?

So inspired by this article (and from a guy who uses the Indiana Jones defence), I decided to do some digging...some background on the M-Word(s) and see what I could find.

So I did a bit of a Google and had a poke around the corners of the web to see what others thought, since while I could see the practicality of it all, it still looked a bit...erm...wrong.

Historically, for those who don't know...the Murse, of even Man-bag is a direct descendant of the Sabretache, which was a bag hanging from straps with which a cavalry man carried personal effects or messages he was carrying to be delivered...and cavalry men, were the dashing stars of the battlefield, not to be scoffed at or to have their manhood question...so at least with the support of history on our side, in theory they have the potential to be acceptable, so the first question has to be, is it Manly? Does the carrying of your shit in a bag add to your aura or does it make you look...erm...less than you aspire to look?

Some findings:

So while this guy seems to have found something with a slight military angle too it...it seems a little small to be a messenger bag...and a little too purse like. And it does seem no matter how you dress it up, how you badge it, market it, or brand it, women will still call it a purse, but just maybe not to your face. So while I think the Jack-Pack has more appeal, at least in terms of a macho defense since it does have a similar ring to the Indiana Defence. How many of us actually work for some Govt. agency that lets us carry firearms...the carrying of which automatically secures your manhood or at the very least renders all questions about such silent until you are well out of earshot.

Apparently Neil Straus uses his, or did (if his wife is in earshot) to "pick up women", his defence being that we just have to carry too much shit around these days, and overloading four pockets until it looks like a spare tire for our spare tire is not a good look. And yet even as Celebs are getting in on the action, there still seems to be something odd about it though I think at least Hugh Jackman's is of a size** to be acceptable...the others are just really, too small, too shiny, and too...erm...wrong.

So maybe it does all come down to Brian's most important criteria for it being acceptable..."Is the bag ugly, weathered or worn"...though I guess the last word will always come from a woman, since if the carrying of such makes you less desirable to the fairer sex then it is never going to take hold no matter how many action heroes carry one...

...and the last woman I quizzed about the idea, came back with a resolute: NO!

* I realise you could also say he was "full of shit", but I am referring to all the "stuff" we have to carry and not in an emotional baggage kind of way. ie: Wallet, Keys, Phone(s), Journal, Book, Sunglasses, Camera...and I didn't even include condoms.
** Waits for all the jokes about the inverse size of a man's bag.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: So What Does This Say

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, The Murse, Man Bag

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 10 comment(s)

So usually when I write the "why is it so?" posts it's because some random search has led someone to my little corner of the web without including the words "sex, fuck and/or dog" within their parameters...their really are some sick people out there.

They are usually a combination of really trying to answer the question from my point of view and sometimes have a bit of a laugh at the things people want to know...so this search (how do I know the capricorn male cares) really made me laugh...erm...because he doesn't, and because I have such a strong (sarcasm intended and with apologies to Enigma) affinity for the astrological indicators of my life I wanted to see where this search led and what would those who profess to know about me by what the stars were doing* when I was born**.

If you are dating a Capricorn male, plan on doing most of the talking. He will take you to places with class and ambience. You will be treated like a lady. Therefore, you should let him open the doors, etc. Dress in style, but be sure you show some cleavage.
from here.

~LOL~ It's called "olds cool", and I hear its the "new black" when it comes to being man...you know how they say everything in fashion returns, well so has being a gentleman. As for the talking thing, not true...ever since Ms. Savet labelled me a "gramaphone" in the 7th grade I have not been shy about expounding my thoughts, theories, opinions and even wild-arse guesses...so rest assured, as this blog is testement I am more than able to hold up my end of a conversation. Oh...and I won't object to the cleavage (seriously) though leg is more likely to get me to notice.

Once your Capricorn man commits, he will not leave you. Divorce is a nasty word in his vocabulary. Capricorn males make good husbands
from here.

Give his ego the encouragement it needs and he will tie himself to your strings for as long as you want him. He is a faithful lover who doesn't feel or even understand the ned to stray.
from here.

The key of course is "commit", I have to be very sure before I am willing to put my "dick on the block" and let someone have the power to "chop it off". Some of that is just me, some of that is reticence to repeat past mistakes...but I do believe marriage is and can be forever, and if I commit to someone I am there until she tells me not to be. (Though its never actually said that kindly...is it?)

And seriously, who does not crave and love encouragement.

To him, physical desire is a necessary part of love. He doesn't see how one can exist without the other.
from here.

I think anyone who knows me or has read this blog for more than half a paragraph knows my veiws on physical desire...without it all you have is a freindship, and for a relationship to survive, for a relationship to thrive, takes so much more.

Few women have reason to complain about a Capricorn lover. His charged passions are never far from the ignition point. He may not be the most imaginative or poetic partner, but he is lusty and skillful. His interest in the physical side of love never wanes. The older Capricorn male gets, the more attractive he becomes—and the more potent. When other men are resigned to their rocking chairs, Capricorn will still be inviting you into his bedroom.
from here.

Like a fine wine, I am getting better...Woo Hoo...I love this astrology shit. ~grin~

Older equals more attractive (and more potent) which means I have left my gawky looking teen years far behind me, and the greying temples are to be embraced and exploited. But the "lusty and skillful" tell me something I don't already know.
Side Note: thank you to she who encouraged me with the words "you are v sexy. that i have to give to you", which was quickly followed by "you are so fuckable"...affirmation like that is the best way to simply make my day.

There is a sensual poetic side to Capricorn, although it make take a while toreveal itself. This man will probably not send you flowers or love letters, buton your twenty-fifth wedding anniversary he may charter a plane to whisk the two of you to Paris so you can spend the evening dancing on the floodlit banks of the Seine.
from here.

Given that I am still single, a 25th wedding anniversary is still a long way off, if even possible...and as for the flowers thing...I call bullshit. I have been known to send flowers to a girlfriend just because I could, and more importantly just because I was thinking of her. And for the record, Paris is my second favourite city, but one I will not return to without thecompany of someone I love.

Capricorn men marry either very early in life or in their later years. The ones who marry later are usually happier.
from here.

Well since it is already later, I have the benefit of happiness to look forward too.

Capricorn likes a nice, spacious bed, dim lights, soft music, and, if possible, a chilled bottle of champagne close at hand.
from here.

OMG, I sound like a cliche for a bad romance movie.

* They were burning hydrogen...1 or 2 may have even been dying.
** A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: Building The Castle

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Me, Wisdom

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 13 comment(s)

being honest with husband about faking orgasms
[ google results here | search led here ]

I have one simple piece of advice here...

Ladies, if you have ever faked an orgasm with your man, you should NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, tell him.

Honesty in orgasms is not the best policy.

You will completely undermine his sexual self-confidence and completely undermine the trust he has in you, not only in your sexual honesty but in all areas of the relationship.

If you want one of the best ways to kick start your man on the road to an affair this is it.

If you have lied about your pleasure by faking orgasms, that's a secret you need to take to your grave.

But what if you want to stop faking?

Then you my dears need to take charge. My first suggestion is stop reading this, and go masturbate. Concentrate on where you touch yourself and how you do it that gives you maximum pleasure and brings you off, because your goal is going to be simple: You are going to teach your partner just that, you are going to lie to him a little more until you don't need to fake it and you don't need to lie further.

Take note of this, men like clear directions, we refuse to read instruction manuals but we love very clear, explicit and erm...simple, directions.

You faked all the moans when he did the wrong things, so now what you have to do is only give those moans when he does the right things, you need to guide him, but since he believes he has already been “rocking your world” you need to make him think that he will be rocking it to even higher levels, rather than the truth.

So redirect your efforts from faking it in to getting what you want.

But never tell him you lied…to do so will start him on a path which leads to a place where he will no longer believe anything you have ever told him., and will question everything you say from then on.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: Not A Jot

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Sex, Wisdom

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 15 comment(s)

I had an adventure...

A signature drink...a nice Kiwi Riesling...check.
A cute girl...mmm...thinking her over...check.
A Challenge...Well let's just say that sometimes when you think that you are at the very bottom and from there the only way you can possibly go or even look is up, well let's just say, that sometimes at that point life hands you a shovel...so, check.

Clearly I need to work on the "challenge" part of the adventure.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: The What Is A Book?

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Dating, Wisdom

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 10 comment(s)

The choice was easy: the well thumbed, bent, wrinkled and obviously much poured over and possibly loved tome or the virgin its spine yet to be marred by the crackling of broken glue, its pages clean, unmarked...

...the words within equal...

...of course, I chose the virgin to love.

The afternoon was getting ready to give up its hold on the day and allow night its place, and after a day not exclusively given over to depressive laments of when, what and who, but filled with enough to cast a pallor, I needed something to remind me of what it all meant or rather all could mean...and that something would take more than the kind words of a friend who had listened to my diatribe of pity and plaintive cries...

...simply I was in a funk, one that like a buzzard had been circling for some time, but was getting to the point of ridiculousness...

...and so like a man in the desert, you know you need to think about water, but to obsess about it is to cloud your thinking with just one thought, and that thought is not the rational or even desired one...

With a simple blue spine and the words "Jimmy Buffett" in bright red, it had easily caught my eye as I meandered through the book cramped aisles…the authors name was reason enough to pick it up...and as I read the first chapter careful not to crease the spine printed name I found 2 more reasons why this book wanted me to read it and to have a home in my library,

"From Butch [Cassidy], I figured out that what I wanted to be was my own man - just a good guy with a few bad habits."

and,

"...adventures* don't come calling like unexpected cousins visiting from out of town. You have to go looking for them..."

I think I may have just found my reason/excuse and a new direction.

* I have always said that for something to be an adventure it needs to have three things:
1. A challenge: some adversity to self that leads to a chance to grow in either victory or defeat...preferably victory,
2. A cute girl, and,
3. A signature drink.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: State Of Undress

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, A Book, Wisdom

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 4 comment(s)

"I saw ~ a girl walk up to a guy, write her number on his wrist and continue up the escalator at the train station yesterday. Ballsy."

Well actually I didn't see it, Jenna did, but I did wonder how the average guy would react, so I decided that I needed to poll the Blokes at the Pub...surely the collective wisdom of these learned men would suggest a usual male reaction to such a "play".

Assumptions: Guy is single and available, not gay, and found the girl to be, at the very least, cute.

Conclusions: The guys are pretty unanimous in this...they would call. The length of time between the writing and the calling varied from an instant sms* to waiting at least a day and a half...all concurred that two days was too long to make the girl wait in limbo after such a ballsy action and later in the day just before lunch might be the optimum time.** But the important thing to note is that all the guys said they would call her.

I would be willing to safely bet, if some strange guy wrote his number on the wrist of some girl he saw at the train station, he would arrive at work to a restraining order and some time before a nice man in robes and a wig explaining himself. But then nobody ever said the game was fair, that it was even, or that it was even supposed to be.

But imagine what fun we could have if it were?

* To be fair this was me, I would sms her with a message "cute bum. from guy on escalator." as she disappeared off the escalator, figuring any girl open enough to write her number on my wrist, should be open enough to having her derriere complimented (if it deserved to be so ~grin~)...plus she now has my number as well.
** That time sometime after 11:30 but before 12:30 when your mind is more on food and what and where to have lunch than the spreadsheet in front of you or the demands from a lazy boss who wants a report that they should have written themselves. It's that time in that day when a distraction is longed for, and it's still early enough to ask her to meet you for a post work drink.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: The Holy Grail

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Women, Dating

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 10 comment(s)

“You mess me around, you make everything fuzzy, you always have”
- Capt. Reynolds, Serenity.

Trying to remember what its like, how it feels, or even how I just knew…I guess “fuzzy” and “messed around” are probably two of the most apt descriptions. A normally rationale, pragmatic and very Capricorn male starts acting…well…there really is no other way to describe it, but starts acting: weird.

When a guy normally given to logic and deduction starts adding two and two and jumping to seven or eight, it is safe to say that a body heavenly in nature is tugging at and affecting his gravity.

Or to put it worse he has become attracted…or maybe that should be addicted, because it is true, realizing that you could fall for someone is like being drugged, everything is fuzzy, less clear, and when it happens you really couldn’t imagine being or doing anything else.

Note: The above may or may not be a hypothetical postulation, so no jumping to conclusions, because there are none to jump too.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: The Gospel According to Indiana

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Love, Feeling Fuzzy

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 12 comment(s)

In in an almost desperate last ditch effort in trying to woo the lovely T into a night of debauched frivolity, Spike decided to play the "I'm better than that guy card", by dragging me into his ever sinking and more futile "game".

And the reason given by Spike that T would be better off dating/shagging him than me...

"I have two functional elbows...if that sort of thing is important to you"

And really...I just can't compete with logic like that.

But I think it was topped when a few hours later while we waited for dinner, she looked over the table at him and in all earnestness said,

"You really are pathetic...to be honest"

At which point it didn't feel so bad to have only one functional elbow. ~grin~

Ohh, and for the record, even though she says it's shrinking, she still has one of the best PLA's in town.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: A Dead Tree Blog

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Meeting Up, Real Life

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 8 comment(s)

I left this as a comment on Sofia's Blog...

"It takes a very confident guy to date a natural flirt and not try to cage or change her...
...it also takes a guy who is getting very regular affirmation and is on the receiving end of more than just that flirting to be very confident."

I would argue that I am a fairly confident guy in most circumstances, but that can also be quite shy*, especially if I am expected to just approach a woman and have not yet been introduced. But I still find that if I truly care for someone and have a genuine desire to see where things may go with them, or worse if I can admit I love them then my confidence becomes entangled in their actions and affirmation.

But confidence is such an interesting concept, because confidence is rarely about a task or ability that is done in private. Confidence comes from external or group praise, it comes from affirmation in one as a person and in one's abilities, but it is not intrinsic. We know we are good at things not because we know it but because we have been told such by our peers, our colleagues, our professors, our parents, our scores, or even by the fact that a goal has been reached and we are still alive.

Personally, I hate knowing that another has this power over me, and yet I freely give it, especially when I am "in love". My confidence in a relationship (and the relationships strength) is directly linked to the affirmation I receive and have in that relationship. Affirmation:** where word and action are in unison is the salve that lets me relax and truly want to encourage someone to grow rather than cage them close.

While it is well and good to say we should be happy with ourselves and at peace with who we are...what I want to know is why? Who said that this is the way it’s supposed to be? What in the whole evolutionary cycle actually tells us that our sense of self, our confidence is gained only from intrinsic forces and not from extrinsic?

Who or what say’s our confidence must not come at the hands and from the lips of others, and instead should well from a sense of one?

Ohhh…and back to the idea of dating a natural flirt, and being confident in the company of such…I guess I only have to look in a mirror and wonder what it would be like to date me, and ask myself how her confidence in such springs from my actions and my affirmations to know what it takes.

I only need to know how I have failed to make girlfriends in the past feel secure and confidant, to know those actions reversed would make me feel the same, and as such how I should act in my tomorrows.

* I know some of you who know me are right now laughing into your morning coffees, but it is still true.
** It is not surprising that affirmation is my number one love language, and less surprisingly it is followed very closely by physical touch.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: Empty Tombs

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Self, Confidence

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 6 comment(s)

I wrote yesterday's entry one night while in hospital just after a "friend" had come to visit...

...sitting on the end of the bed, her legs tucked up under herself, hair pulled back and held behind one ear, relating the trials of her day, I guess I acknowledged something that I had been feeling for a while...

I liked her...and like any self revelation this was quickly followed by another...

And I could really enjoy getting to like her a whole lot more...

Maybe even in that goofy kind of forever way.

I guess the internal dialog must have shown on my dial, because she asked that usually hated question, "what?", which of course I covered with the likewise much hated reply, "nothing", but I must have looked at her kind of wistfully because she reached up and with a gentle hand stroked the side of my face, and with a simple touch and the very brief kiss that followed I knew for sure...

I really liked her.

---

Fast Forward... (but not that much by time standards)

A sms "So dinner this Sat?", left hanging, waiting, maybe even hoping...

...on the phone,

Indy: So you never answered my question...would you like to have dinner on Sat?
Her: Erm...I'm not sure.
Indy: Err...ok, what do you mean, you're not sure?
Her: Well you know ? is in town right, I agreed to go out with him
this Sat, if he has not already gone back to HK? He told me he is staying this weekend so he can see me, but he might not, so I might be free.
Indy: ~silence~

? is her a guy from her past, his status in relation to her is a little unclear and while this situation remains such, the above conversation I think illustrates how very murky her feelings about him are, especially in comparison to me and even in relation to me...

Translation: From my sometimes wrong and self-protective gut: You are the second choice. She is unsure how she feels about you and more importantly unsure how she feels about him. Ergo, she is not that into you.

---

So even when I posted what I did yesterday I already knew what my experience has taught me, without the flash and rush, without the headlong careen into "like, love and beyond", there is simply an emerging pattern: me liking the girl...and then her liking me second, or worse her liking me as a "friend"...

The irony of course is no matter how much you like someone, the moment you resign yourself to their "friends" basket, you very quickly have to accept the situation and close of the idea of "possibilities", you too have to close a part of yourself off from them, and where once I may have taken that as a good place to be, now..."It's just not good enough."

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: Bending Too Far

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Dating, Second Place

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 21 comment(s)

Is it just something that is a spark, a fast burning fire, does it build with the fast flare of desire or is it something that builds over time, the nurtured, the learning, the liking, the slow smolder of growing attraction…

…the problem with the later is that they rarely seem to have the sexual passion that exists in the former…

…the problem with the former is that they rarely have the sharing, the knowing, the shared liking that exists in the latter.

So which way is better?

Or is it possible to have both?

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: My Perfect Bar - V

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Dating, Relationships

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 6 comment(s)

Life is all about push.

We either do it...

...or it is being done to us.

All the time,

From all sides,

...from all people.

Sometimes we take it...

…and some days the push from one place becomes too much and we realize its either not wanted, not needed, or that our place there is not desired.

At those times, the oft quoted “straw that broke the camels back” is most apt, because it is in these moments when we push or are pushed too far that we truly grow, that we truly learn more of our place...and maybe more importantly our limits and our value.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: It's A Theory

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Life, Wisdom

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 3 comment(s)

I got tagged by PD, now I normally only do these things when they come from a really cute blogger, but in PD's case, just this once, I will make an exception,

Some guys will eat really gross stuff, some fellas will fight their own siblings-- what would you do for a million dollars?

I guess it might be more of a case of what wouldn't I do...

But seeing that a million dollars isn't really that much money these days and that I would still have to work for at least a year until the investments came through it would have to be something non-debilitating.

mmm...basically for a million dollars, I might be willing to retire to a quiet little palm fringed island to live out my days in relaxed respite with only my lover, my MacBook, and a bottomless Bombay Sapphire Martini...so basically to live a life of "girl, game, drink" (repeat...often) ~grin~

As for what wouldn't I do? Well Indy is a fairly broad minded guy, so think of the worst thing you possibly can...then go just a little bit further. (except for you Smoot, you need to come back a bit...nope a bit further than that...further...yep about there.)

I am not tagging anyone, since they are free to answer the above themselves or think of an equally insightful question to answer...something along the lines of..."If you were to have one date with Indy, where would he take you, and how would it end?" ~bigger grin~

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: An Empty Vessel

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Tagged

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 5 comment(s)

Related to me by a friend, as feedback to my Friday night...

T: I told Indy to bring a good looking date.
E@L: yeah.
T: I didn't expect him to show up with a fucking hot date.

~grin~

What can I say? She is.

And that's all I am going to say about that.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: Some Dusty Tome

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Women, A Date

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 13 comment(s)

"You know when I look back on my life and all the woman I've known, I can't help but think about all that they've done for me, and how little I've done for them. How they looked after me, cared for me...and I repaid them by never returning the favour."
- Alfie, Alfie.

"There is only one rule to ethical seduction, leave her better than you find her"
- Neil Strauss, The Game.

"Give OR take", or rather as it should "give AND take".

It would be nice to think that on the pages of my past it has been recorded always as an "and", but sometimes sadly and sometimes selfishly, greedily and jealously so, it has been the "or".

It would be nice to think, and maybe with more than a single pair of rose coloured glasses or some creative double-speak I could actually be led to believe that my past is littered with only fragments of broken relationships in which the second quote held sway. And while I dare say there are those that can be picked from my past and do belong in a basket where I left her better from knowing me, there are probably just as many belonging to the former and the category where, if not in the beginning, at least at the end I was the selfish one, taking what I could, knowing that in its final moments I needed to ensure I was the one left less hurt.

Today, I wonder how I can do more of the later, and much less of the former…I wonder…actually, I hope that I will be better the next time…that I will somehow find in the remnants of relationships past a way to make “AND” a part of my vocabulary rather than “OR”.

I guess I wonder why is it so hard to “give AND take”?

Was it always thus? Or have failed relationships and past hurts conspired to make all of us more selfish and less willing to trust in the heart of another?

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: Do You Speak Caveman?

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Relationships, Taking, Giving

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 7 comment(s)

I want to tell you all about the most amazing, intelligent, beautiful and loving woman I know:

My wife.*

…

The first time I was lucky enough to know I could marry a woman, I was still a young wet behind the ears hopeful pup, who wanted to believe in heart-led decisions and the concept of love and forever. Forever lasted until I had actually purchased the ring, and with it burning a hole in my pocket I surprised her in bed, only she was with another guy.

Good thing the Jeweler was a very understanding old guy who gave me a refund.

The second time, I guess I was addicted to her, I had broken the cardinal sin of loving a girl more than she loved me** and I paid the price when she moved across the Pacific, and the hope and faith of a long distance relationship died when she found comfort in the arms of another guy who she could hold at arms length.

I learnt that if you aren’t holding your partner, someone else will…and words across an empty space are not really to be believed.

The third time…well I don’t really know what happened…I guess I have my side, she will have hers…and the truth will be a path that weaves between the two, taking from both, and favouring neither.

But I guess I had stopped believing with my heart, and instead had started to think only with my head…and the fears of a repeat situation led me to say and do things that were not really felt but may have still been for the best.

I am not sure if I am interested in there ever being a fourth time...maybe in time, and maybe the key is with the right person, but until then the young man who used to rush in and believe in love, now walks in a lot more cautiously, with his eyes not so shaded with rose tints or so ready to see beyond faults, and not so eager to blindly trust either the person or in love...and yet even as I type those words I see a small hollow echo in them as I already look with hope in a new direction.

And some days I am not sure if I have learnt anything, save that I don’t want to be hurt again and I would prefer to not hurt anyone else again either.

* hahaha, I bet a lot of you are now spluttering coffee, choking back a “WTF” and reaching for a tissue to wipe up the just made mess. I am not married; I just wanted to write that for sheer reactive and dramatic effect.
** Loving someone more than they love you is the first step to a lot of hurt and pain…so its a good thing to have the other person love you more, but I think it’s a great thing, though slightly harder, if you can find someone where the love is at the same level.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: My Perfect Bar - IV

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Dating, Relationships

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 7 comment(s)

The shortest date I ever had was with a woman who showed up wearing Crocs...

...I swear.

From start to finish the date lasted exactly 14 secs over 17 mins*. I faked an emergency sms, gulped down my wine, bought her another glass (for her trouble) and bolted into the afternoon sun with a look of abject horror on my face. Given that this date was also one of the herd of Media Corp Artistes that abound here in Singapore, I was at first shocked and then later bemused that such a perfectly coiffed darling of the local media scene was basically a clueless bimbotic slob with the dress sense of a salted slug.

So when I read Wombat's post about America needing a dress code, I could sympathise with him and his plight or rather struggle against the poorly dressed.

It is no secret that one of my favourite past times is to find a nice public watering hole, order up an ice cold beverage and spend some time people watching, just observing the movement of humanity, admiring those worthy of it, and occasionally snorting in mild amusement at those that don't.** Throughout my "study" I have noted more than a few generalities that may or may not be peculiar to this place, but one feature that has always struck me is how, in general, the women are usually well dressed and how poorly the men by their sides are likewise attired.

Here you have a young lady dressed up, nice skirt or pants, a nice top, heels, hair done, a hint of make-up (or sometimes too much) matching accessories, basically she is presenting her "package" in the best possible light...she wants to be noticed, and she wants to look and feel good. And then next to her, you have "that guy"...ripped jeans, sneakers, and a tatty t-shirt...and while I acknowledge "casual chic" is in for guys and this attire may do for an afternoon shopping or a movie, I would venture a guess it was not what she was envisioning when she got ready for him to take her out for a nice meal and drinks on a date. It's like the guys here are still so stoked they don't have to wear camouflage anymore and that N-S*** is over that they have forgotten how to dress properly...this basic "uniform" for men can be seen everywhere, from the nicer bars, to restaurants and even in nightclubs...I mean what ever happened to "standards or attire".

I know the last time I ranted about jeans and there place on a date, I got a very negative comment by someone who just happened to work for Levi Strauss & Co**** and I don't blame the jeans manufacturers for doing such a good job in convincing the public that jeans are "chic" and I for one love the way the right pair of jeans hugs a woman like an Aston Martin hugs a curving road, but as a "uniform" I really don't feel that they make the grade. As a side point: Interestingly I do know one woman who professes to not owning a pair of jeans, which I think is a real shame since I think the aforementioned curves would be hugged just perfectly by the right denim.

But thats digressing, and letting my mind wander to more...erm...carnal thoughts.

Back to fashion...or rather the lack of.

Generally I think men, are fashion challenged, we struggled between work attire, and the various levels of clothing that we don't really ever find a balance rather instead relying on what we feel comfortable in and what has garnered compliments from gf's of the past. Or we settle for a business "chic" and you can't tell the difference whether we came from work or actually dressed to impress. Clearly something needs to be done and maybe here in Singapore it should be a required course before completion of N-S, and the rest of the western world could make it a requirement for High School graduation...I am sure it would help the men of the world far more than most the algebra they are currently forced to endure.

Ohhh and back to the Crocs, I once ventured an opinion to a gf that I was contemplating getting some Crocs...it was half in jest...honestly...

...her vehement retort, "If you do, we are through...it's that simple...you want me, no Crocs, EVER!"

Needless to say I still do not own Crocs, don't have the girl either...which had nothing to do with the Crocs, but I still don't own a pair and I think its safe to say that I NEVER will.

* ok, I have no idea how long it lasted but it was less than 20 mins.
** Yes, I know this is judgmental and arrogant...tell me something I don't know about myself.
*** National Service: Compulsory Military Membership...which makes it sound like a far more exciting club than it really is? Not that I ever did it here, I instead was "foolish" enough to volunteer for it in my home country.
**** I still wonder if they were a random surfer or long time lurker or rather someone employed by Levi's to troll the web looking for anti-jean sentiment and attempt to stamp on it lest a backlash against this comfortable attire see us return to tailored pants and a little style...mmm...wonder if I will get any comments this time?

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: First Date Nerves

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Sex, Relationships

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 28 comment(s)

Note: What follows contains generalities, stereotypes and even casts some women in a bad light. This post reflects some observations I have made into one facet of dating here and the idea that I believe women in Singapore rank job title far higher, or at least openly admit to it, more than women in other countries. I know that it does not apply to all Singaporean women, so Smoot and Gremlin, I pray that our friendships garner me a little indulgence as I openly criticise some of your "sisters".

Singaporean women love prestige by job association.*

Which is to say the more glamorous your job title, the more imagined fiscal zero's it provides, the more highly regarded you are on the datability scale. And its not even numbers, it's all about the title, and the perception of others looking in, its about the "prestige by proximity", its being associated with such, it's glamour by job-title.

Now I know this sounds a little trite and even a little like "sour grapes", but I still find it to be true.

The first question you are very often asked by a woman here is "what do you do?", a truthful answer will on average get me the cold shoulder about 70% of the time. Now Indy is not ugly by any stretch of the imagination and apart from a slight case of halitosis could be regarded as quite a good catch, kids generally like me, and his ability to provide for a family both financially and emotionally is pretty much assured, and yet the truth gets me rejected. If I lie, well that depends on what I want to lay claim to, but you would be surprised how often "solicitor, engineer, marketing or systems manager" gets a favourable response and a continuation of conversation, to say nothing that if I say "banking, broker", or the word "investment" in which case the girls eyes light up and a boring "made up" diatribe about market forces, rising economy and fiscal bubble, see nods of agreement and batting eyelids, while I spew forth verbal diarrhea.**

I have put this down to the women here associating future fiscal security with certain job titles, and that by association that job title affects your "dating potential". And while this may be just one of those 'cultural" things that lead the game to be played here slightly differently than at home, I have a problem with it.

And the problem with this philosophy is that it is based on a lie.

A recent article in the Straits Times listed the "Top 100 jobs in Singapore" and according to that list, the aforementioned Solicitor, Engineer, Marketing and Systems Managers while have more grandiose titles or titles that bely more "status" that they are not necessarily as fiscal as mine, they are jobs that are simply more prestigious by association. A friend concurred a few weeks ago that "grandeur by association" was a benchmark used by many Asian women, and the job position of a future partner was a big factor in the choices of many local girls...she also then posed the question "Would I want to date a woman who was after my title?", and of course the answer is "no", but I can't help but think a lot of these women are using "title" to ascertain "ability to provide" and are using it as a litmus test to sort men into those who are equal to them on some imagined ladder of household contribution and provision.

Which begs, have titles always conveyed an unwritten hierarchy of desirability and "associated prestige"? Is society, or rather women so hoodwinked by a hollow sounding professional prefix that they associate a value on such? Or do titles simply mean more money?

Since it is clear that the titles lie.

Or do they.

Is it the fiscal security that a certain job alludes to that is valued? Or is it the association with prestige, a sense of accomplishment and society peerage, a sense of "arrival" that a certain job suggests, that is the more valued?

* I just love starting a piece of writing with an absolute statement, since I am sure it will raise the hackles of many, put them on the defensive and lead to an onslaught of "attack" comments. ~grin~
** Yes, E@L, I know I do this regularly...you do not need to comment on such.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: Some Papyrus Scraps

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Women, Observations

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 12 comment(s)

A lot of things running through my mind at the moment: things in which I have no input, in which my desires have no bearing, in which I have no or very little control, and yet which are and will continue to impact me...to what level is yet to be seen, but all of them are requiring some serious thought time. Basically my dawn bought not a smile to my lips but an ergghhhh...no "morning wood" this AM.

So it was quite nice to start my shortened day* with this smiling moment,

Turning into the office, the rather nicely muscled derriere of the offfice secretary was nicely highlighted as bent over the fishtank she went about her morning task of feeding the voracious little marine wrigglers. Now I don't think her Friday attire was sprayed on, but those low slung pants came very close...her g-string peaking over the top...I had to smile, seriously...light blue with little flowers...not so much sexy...but still damn cute.

Even cuter, was the way she blushed, when I whispered in her ear,

Me: "I...ermmm..."
Her: 'Is my g-string showing?"
Me: "Yes, and that shade of blue looks great on your tan"
Her: ~blush~
Me: ~grin~

All I can say is I am glad that I usually work at the other end of the building. ~grin~

* Decided the weekend could start early, so after a quick trip into the office to drop off some paperwork I am heading home and back to bed...or at least a very stiff drink in the Jacuzzi. (Yes, it is in fact five o'clock somewhere...I am sure of it)

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 08:00 13 comment(s)

The last of my five maxims comes of course from my name sake,

"'X' never, ever marks the spot."
- Indiana Jones
The Last Crusade

Which is a really succinct way of saying there is no map, there is no "suppossed to be" or "it should bes" or lamenting that "it's too hard" in this life, there is simply choosing to live, or choosing to die. There really is no "X" that marks your arrival, for getting to your destination is merely the start of another adventure, and no-one has anymore clue than you about the path you should take, because you should not take any particular way, meaning you are completely free to chose. It's a map you make up as you go along, borrowing from your culture, your society, your beliefs, and mostly from your experiences.

You draw your own map, you don't copy anyone else's, though yours may in places resemble mine, you arrive at "X" when you say you do, since, just as in the Movie, the hero couldn't see the "X" until he moved away from it and the same goes for us, you will never be able to see "X" when you are there, only before you get too it and long after it has past... "X' is the thing you dream for and the thing you regret with longing, but it's never where you are, because where you are is always the start of a new section of your map...and only you can decide what the treasure it leads to is?

The problem is that without the big "X" marked on the ground, or carved in the tree we often find "X" and walk away not recognising it for what it is...
...but maybe that's ok as well, since there will be another "X", there will be a further adventure that leads to wherever we we want it on a journey thats as long as we wish it, and besides "X" never really marks the spot anyway...we do.

Which is saying, what makes me happy and fulfilled, will not be the same as a single person who ever reads this, sure we may have overlaps and one or two may come very close, but my "X" is not the same as yours...and only I can know if I have truly found it, the same is equally true for you.

So while this week of five maxims ends, I really do wish all of you good luck in finding your "X", and in recognising that it is both the end of one adventure and the beginning of another, and realising that you won't know you found it until you are already looking for and at the next one.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: When Is It Sex?

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Wisdom, Maxims

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 5 comment(s)

Continuing with the five maxims, or pithy statements that mean the most to me, and most often guide me

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."
- Gandalf, JRR Tolkein,
The Fellowship of the Ring.

Most days I wake up reasonably happy with the direction my career and work life has taken* but...

...there are some days when I really do not know what I want to do with my life, more specifically the rest of it...which is, as we all know, actually an undertimined number of days possibly ranging from a few minutes, to at the outside long shot maybe 5 more decades. So it is a decision worth some serious contemplation, that would be far easier if we knew that we only had until next Wednesday to live, but given that the amount of time is a mystery it is a course worthy of some weight.

What do I want to do when I grow up?

Well I always wanted to fly the Millennium Falcon, until at the age of eight when I realised that it didn't exist and the closest I could come would be to become an astronaut...which was shelved when a few later I realised that Australia didn't actually have a Space Program and that in all likelihood I had to be born an American (or Russian) for this dream to happen. So it too was shelved for more of the usual boyhood dreams, soldier, fireman, really rich and/or Hugh Hefner..to which I can reply check, check, in progress, and not likely.

PD has recently been spending a lot of time lamenting his working for the man and his issue that the man is not actually him...and so has faced I think a dilemma a lot of men face, how did I get here? Where do I want to go? And where did I leave all my hair?

This is not to say that I am suffering a mid-life crisis in that I am going to go out and get a tattoo, buy a sport's car and start being seen around town with a much younger and much more glamorous woman...since after all if you have read my blog for more than a day, you know I grew out of the Sports car obsession when I sold my last one at 27, I have dated and loved a much younger women and the tattoo, though in need of a touch up is part of the patchwork of scars, moles, freckles and hair that covers my torso.

What I am talking about is...what do I want to do? Do I desire to continue where I am? Should I go back to school and get that Masters in Marine Archeology, and find a no-pay, totally fulfilling job in academia and research, spending my days searching for ship wrecks? Or should I just keep the fingers crossed that I win Lotto next week and the fact that a certain fiscal relationship with "what I do" is needed to survive is removed from my life equation?

So while philosophically I know that with the time I am given, I want to learn, to understand and to apply, so that each day I become "better"...I still sometimes give a pause and wonder what happens when I grow up?

* Ok, this is a complete lie, most days I wake up and actually wish I could roll over and go back to sleep...but it has been scientifically proven to be a universal truth that ALL Humans, and MOST Mammals think exactly the same thing when they first wake up...this at least for men is closely followed by a smile as they recognise "morning wood".

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: My Perfect Bar - III

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Wisdom, Maxims

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 13 comment(s)

Continuing with the five maxims, or pithy statements that mean the most to me, and most often guide me

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those timid spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat."
- Theodore Roosevelt

Which for me has always said a proactive life is better than a reactive one. That a life of quiet observance is not one that is really lived, that to live is to do, not just to watch. And while I enjoy the watching as much as the next person, and find the observance of life with the hum of others going about their doing an enjoyable experience...it really is in the doing that I find my life is given the most colour, in which it strays most from the grey of a simple existence into the areas that denote a life.

And sure I could always do with a little less failure, fewer upsets and a clean sheet when it comes to defeats, but we truly learn the most when we lose. It is not with victory that we become stronger, in victory all we find is the continued desire to taste that elation again. It is in defeat that we learn of our mettle, we examine our fortitude as we dust ourselves off and climb back into our life.

The above quote by Roosevelt is his expansion and paraphrase of something Napoleon said, both rign with the same sentiment, and both offer the same idea, that to truly live we must do, we must not just be.

Arrogantly, I can say that this maxim has guided me since I first read it, and today, as in yesterday and, I hope tomorrow, I will continue "to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure", and while sometimes I need time out to lick wounds and let scars fade, I am still not afraid to be at the bottom of the ruck.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: Scary Things

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Wisdom, Maxims

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 16 comment(s)

Continuing with the five maxims, or pithy statements that mean the most to me, and most often guide me,

"Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are
reckless with yours."
- Mary Schmich, "Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young",
Chicago Tribune June 1, 1997

I'd like to think that this was the maxim which formed not just the cornerstone but the whole foundation of my life. Sadly it is not, I have indeed been reckless with the hearts of others, and I have clung too and allowed some people to be repeatedly reckless with mine. But whether the later is some Karmic retribution for the former or rather springs from an inability to "let go" or to "lose" I have not concluded, though it probably is in no small part due to my own stubbornness, mixed with a healthy dose of selfishness and equal part greediness. This is something I have to stop since one really does beget the other, it’s a cycle of hurt, disappointment and jealousy quickly followed by misplaced anger and revenge...which from my purely anecdotal observations is not really a good treadmill to be on, and really does not add anything to my life.

This really is a maxim I need to remind myself of often, its something I need, in the heat of a destructive cycle, to pull out, to use to take a pause and then look at how I am treating someone else's heart before I continue.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: To Dare Or To Hide

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Wisdom, Maxims

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 11 comment(s)

"The maxims of men reveal their characters."
- Luc de Clapier de Vauvanargues

They say character is what you have and who you are when you think no-one is looking. But if it is reflected in one's maxims...then these (this post and the five that will follow) are probably the ones that I hold most closely to and identify most readily with:

"If you want the red sports car buy the red one, the blue one will never make you happy."
- My Dad.

Dad meant this as a metaphor for "settling" but given that at the time I really was tossing up between a blue less wanted but cheaper sports car over a red more costly one that I desired it was also one of those object lessons taught by some fathers to sons at a point of need and when the words will have the most impact.

And since recently I have been tad more reflective than usual, I think I need to remember it, I have allowed myself to be disappointed by people I care about and whom claim to care about me and I guess as a result the idea of "settling" has crept more and more into my mind...the deluded self talk where a position is known, where the truth can be seen, and yet we "talk ourselves" into a counter course or contrary belief, where we basically "pull a con" on ourselves, usually to avoid facing a truth. Which is often what settling is, we know what we desire, but the difficulty of obtaining that which would make us truly happy is shelved instead for the quick and somewhat similar object, and we convince ourselves of the "happiness lie"...which we know even as we tell it to ourselves that it will one day unravel.

I have always tried to not settle, and while this does not mean I have not made compromises, if I knew something or even someone would make me happy I would like to think that I have not "settled" on them rather they have been a true desire.

Though sometimes it has taken time to see what I truly desire, it has not always been a matter of knowing on sight, sometimes the thing I most coveted was something that I grew into not that sparkled with a distracting sheen.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: Just Dirt

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Wisdom, Maxims

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 10 comment(s)