--> So you were out with XX last night?
<-- I was. Your name came up, She knows you?
--> Yep, she and I friends, like you and I.
<-- Are we? ;-)
--> Of course! Idiot! Well?
<-- Well what?
--> Don't you want to know what I will tell her?
<-- Nope. You will say good things. I know you think I am a good catch.
--> lol :-) Well so is she, so be nice to her.

~ We the rambled about life and the need to meet up soon ~

--> Do you think she liked you?
<-- The date lasted 5 hours, I know. ;-)
--> You are so cocky.
<-- That's why you love me.

- sms exchange between a friend and I.

If I have learnt anything at all, its this...

A woman will not spend any more time in your company than she has to.

If she likes you then she will not mind the time and will happily spend the evening in easy conversation, vino, dinner, and post meal tumblers of whiskey. If she does not like you, she will be wolfing that lamb rack down as fast as she can and then making an excuse as she beats a hasty retreat on what she sees as another wasted evening. As soon as a woman makes excuses not to call you, see you, or simply "forgets" to do either...she feels you are a waste of her time, and has already set her eyes on someone else.

A 5 hour first date, says she enjoys your company and likes you.*

But.

It really says nothing at all until you actually get her out on a second date, in which she confirms the "like" with not only words but also with action.

Ohh, and it never hurts to have a common female friend vouch for you. ~grin~

* One of the best and in fact longest first dates I ever had was slightly under 11 hours, which was the start of a fairly amazing relationship with someone I still hold very dear. The shortest as 48 mins, and while also a great date (or at least I thought so), went completely no-where and resulted in my follow up calls being ignored.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: How Do You Meet?

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Dating, Women

Labels: Lessons in Dating, The Dog Dates

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 14 comment(s)

You'd think that having your arm in a cast would at the very least elicit a little feminine sympathy, or at best get me a little "hero" worship and an increase in the possibility of a breakfast invitation or two.

Unfortunately, it hasn't proven to be the case.

Note To Self: Next time I am going to break something really serious, or at least hire a personal nurse to make the recovery more pleasurable ~wink~

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: A View From Wednesday

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Snap, Break, Ouch

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 19 comment(s)

For the next few days I am guest blogging for Miss Devylish, while she runs off to get all back to nature at Burning Man.

I have promised her I will not Blog about anything too controversial, or anything that really is not in keeping with the tone of her blog ~lol~ which was a power I was very tempted to abuse, and then she went and told me she trusted me...bugger, now I have to be good.

So my next few posts will be located on her blog, so lets all head over there and bombard her with comments:

10 ways to not get a second date,

and,

Hunt Theory

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: Going Down

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Guest Blogging, Miss Devylish

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00

One Martini is a great idea, two is a better idea, and three might just be the perfect number...eight (or was it nine) might not be the wisest course of action.

So, although I have already done so directly, my apologies to Titania and Smoot if I was anything less than the gentleman you lovely ladies know me more usually to be. To E@L*, I could also apologise but we don't have that sort of relationship and I don't like you that much ~grin~

So the morning brings gin soaked snatches of the night before that flash with no coherency or order between that damn gnome tunneling his way into my head...and I am left wondering...

How the f*ck did I get home? And worse did I do anything I might live to regret? Or maybe better yet did I promise anything I might live to enjoy?

Much later I did somehow, (ok it was a flurry of sms) work out what exactly happened between paying the bill and a later message from Titania asking if I got home ok?

Somewhat disappointingly, nothing terribly exciting happened.

But still, there is always next Friday to try and make amends.

* With whom I had a conversation that I am positively sure was absolutely riveting and in which we solved all the problems of the world...I just can't remember what was said, or any of those solutions. E@L, you?

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: An Empty Martini Glass

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Drinking, Gin

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 8 comment(s)

Recently, apart from the two blind dates (set up by Gremlin), and the incidence of being stood up I have been taking a break from the 'dating game', rather than continue as a mouse in the treadmill ever chasing the uncatchable cheese I have rather been spending time with friends, food and even the odd drink with the easy company of enjoyable conversation, without the pressure* that goes along with a first or even second dates. The truth is, apart from the afore mentioned, I had/have sort of given up on the whole dating/gf thing, having instead decided to focus myself on something else...an idea, that the merits of have still not been fully thought through...but none the less it has given me a little bit of time to think about:

What makes a first date a successful one?

Simple. A first date is a success if at the end, before you part, she has already agreed to your asking to see her again.

It does not take time apart, it does not take waiting 2,3,5,or even 7 days to call, or for her to be able to reflect on the date in order to say "yes' to such a question. If she likes you, and the date has been such that you believe it was a success and she, hopefully, agrees with you, then she will say "yes". You have the courage to ask...All a guy has to do is admit he enjoyed her company, that what he has seen so far intrigues him, that he likes her and that he want's to know more. Yes dating is a game, but sometimes, some games require a huge dose of honesty.

Note: Regardless of what she actually says, until you do in fact get to see her again and in a non-group situation, it is my experience that any such agreement on her behalf for further dates should be viewed with a healthy skepticism.***

* Anyone who says there is no pressure on a date, is simply FOS**, there is pressure, and while it is still manageable, it is this pressure to be a little better than you normally are, to sit a little straighter, to eat a little more properly and to even remember to take that extra minute in shaving is all part of the pressure that is all about impressing the girl (and she you) enough to have her say 'yes" when you ask about seeing her again.
** Full Of Shit.
*** Women are crap at saying "no", so they don't appear to be a "shallow" bitch, they will say "yes", and then upon reflection, or during your follow-up call to arrange said meeting, be suddenly busy and offer to call you when they are free...they never are, and you never hear from them, until the guy they have focused their attention on proves to be an bastard player in which case they may call you, my thoughts: It will be a cold day in hell, so its better to not hold your breath.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: The Recovery Shag

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Dating, Women, First Dates

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 9 comment(s)

"...I listened to his date plans and I joked 'mate how old are you?'. He grinned boyishly, instantly wiping off twenty years and told me he couldn't help it, he felt like a kid in a candy store."
- Milos Sadik, (writing and paraphrasing me.)

There is no doubt about it, some day's I do.

Save that I am more like poor Charlie, his tuppence grasped firmly, looking upon rows of sweets looking for that perfect one for which I will trade my only coin. I have smelt and gazed upon their sweetness with envy and desire, I have visually feasted upon the rows of sugared perfection, scared to exchange my coin for a confection that may not taste as it looks...

...I know I have to chose carefully.

I know this because when I have chosen in the past, it has been poorly, the sweet sugared cube that held such promise rather has held a bitter centre with a tart and horrid aftertaste, one that with coin now ready to be spent again I do not wish to repeat...

...And so I must chose carefully.

So I am like a kid in a Candy Store...I look around eagerly, looking for that which will last the longest, taste the sweetest and leave me wanting more, rather than leave me retching, gagging and spitting up a taste best not experienced. I am like a kid, I want to spend my hard earned coin, but life has taught me caution, life has taught me to be wary, and unfortunately life has taught me to be selfish and distrust.

But who knows, the best thing about being in a Candy Store is that if you are really lucky, sometimes, just sometimes, you get find a Golden Ticket.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: A View From Wednesday

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Dating, Candy Shop

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 7 comment(s)

I wrote this quite some time ago, and just never got around to posting it...and now that I have I wonder how much of it resonates with me and is still true today?

I have been “in love” a few times in my life, but I still seem to get caught in a certain trap each time. I don’t know whether I am simply a victim of timing, that every woman has had similiar qualities (they didn't seem to, having come from different backgrounds, cultures and spiritual places) or maybe it is me, but if I have learnt anything, it's that integrity is, for me, the most important trait.

I have a friend who says she wants 4 things in a partner, number 1 is a committed Christian, and number 2 is an honest man. She used to think that one would be inclusive of the other, but has found that they are not. Experience has shown me she is right. One blogger I used to read with regularity made comments about seeking someone who in honorable and that may be a nice way to put it.

I like to use the word: integrity, since I think it encompasses so many similar feelings that are more apt, but the truth is I want someone who is honest about who they are? Where they are? And perhaps most importantly, where they are willing to go?

Someone who is willing to work at trust and is not in the relationship for the sake of not being single or because they don't want to be alone or feel lonely, but is rather in the relationship because she is into me and wants to take it as far as we can.

“Ms. Right for now.” is no longer, and hasn't been an option for quite awhile.

And as I re-read it I realise it might not all be true...I guess I have been lied to so often by those I thought loved me and professed such that maybe the truth is that honesty simply does not exist...and that the idea of finding one "forever" situation is in fact a foolish dream better suited to an older age and not one driven by computers, fear, and selfish greed...maybe here and now is all we have, so maybe the lies do not matter because all we have is each moment to live and then discard along with the hearts left trampled in such a path.

But even with these new thoughts buzzing in my head, I wonder is there such a thing as honesty...is it what we all really crave? Is it actually what I crave, and if so why do I struggle so much to find it? Am I really simply searching for someone to believe, or right now would I be happy to settle for even a believable lie?

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: Shitting In Your Own Nest

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Dating, Relationships, Honesty

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 14 comment(s)

One thing that often strike me as either ironic or somewhat amusing about this Expat gig is people's professions and the part it plays in dating.

For a while I actually looked at a girl's profession as either a good thing, or rather a negative thing to possible future happiness...meaning that if I wanted to continue to use my career to "bounce" around the world traveling and living in different cultures then it would help if my partner could come with me, and continue to both contribute to the household income and household happiness.*

When I toyed around with online dating I was tempted to change my profession to see if it made a difference to the responses I may get from possibly dates...I didn't, instead I opted for honesty, and the reasoning that if she was dating my job, she wasn't dating me...but then hadn't I been doing exactly the same thing: dating women based on an idea that our careers would easily mesh and not be something that would limit us...or perhaps more succinctly that I would not have to sacrifice my dreams of travel and career just to keep her happy. (Yes, I see the complete selfish irony in this.)

Which with my move here is something I now give only the most cursory glance...though I do tend to feel drawn to women with "professional"** careers...but this is more a result of desiring an intelligent partner and education, while though not always mutually inclusive is often a very quick indicator of such. Added to which a woman with drive and goals is a very attractive package...not to mention those tight work skirts, tops and heels.

But I do ponder the whole "dating another persons job" after a weekend chatting to someone who accepts that part of her life is as an "accessory" to her husbands arm while his career moves forward, part of her life is being married to his job as much as he is too it and her. And after a few weeks, where most of the time usually used in dating has been spent rather with friends, where the two times I did accept (or rather extended) the offer of dinner to someone, they both came from the same professional background...though thankfully, I hope, different companies***...I had to wonder would being with such a person make me the handbag? And is it a role I could perform? Does it "chip" at my manhood? Or rather is it supporting someone you care about in a way that many may not be willing to do?

mmm...I hope I could, and that for me, the support of someone you profess to love would outweigh all other considerations. Besides most "handbag" occasions are just an excuse to dress up and drink champagne...not that you realy need an excuse to drink champagne.

* There is nothing that more quickly destroys both the expat experience and a marriage than the bored wife with nothing to do while hubby works...can we say "Tennis Coach" and divorce in the same sentence and keep a straight face? Yes we can.
** But not of the Orchard Towers variety.
*** Though in paranoia inducing moments this week, I have noticed a number of hits from company servers within the same industry, and while a few of them are from people I know, the others are not, and as much as I joke about being some woman's post date blog fodder, I have no desire to make any woman I have dated, especially if I liked her, the same.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: What Do You Learn?

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Occupations, Relationships

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 4 comment(s)

"So many of your friends are beautiful women, why don't you just date one of them?"
- one of said beautiful women

While I acknowledge the irony of such a thing being suggested by one such friend it was while sitting with another of my friends enjoying a drink and some dinner at a well known local haunt that in a moment of daydreaming somewhere between my first and last bites that I couldn't help but wonder at the above...why didn't I date one of them?

Maybe it was/is time to stop being so "friendly" with one of these friends?

Maybe...

But the answer is simple...I just don't think of them in that way...and while I admit that initially one or perhaps three of these friendships started with the possibility of more, they instead grew into an easy relaxed "talk about anything" kind of thing, where I am freely introduced to their friends (this in turn has sometimes led to more dating possibilities) and now have a bevy, one might even be so bold to suggest harem of intelligent and attractive friends with whom I socialise and enjoy the passing of time...

...or a shared bottle of vino and dinner whenever I desire and they are free.

But it does beg a pile of questions another friend and I discussed and debated just recently, especially in regards to the nature of friendships especially those with a "platonic" label? (but that might be better in a different post)

So is my problem that I have so many beautiful friends with whom it has never been anything more, and never will be? Is too many "just friends" ultimately a barrier that repels relationships? And what does this really say about me? Am I intimidated by them to the point that I can deal with friendship but to push for more and face rejection is too fearful a thought? And do I really want to know or should I just continue in blissful ignorance?

Somewhere along the way, have I actually grown up to the point that I can just enjoy the company of women and conversation with them without the desire or need to take advantage of their cleavage or without trying to get into their g-strings?

Damn. I hope not.

Some More Thoughts/Questions (09:30): And yet I do hope that, I enjoy having women for friends, they look at the world so differently to me, and even so different to each other that their views are refreshing, sometimes enlightening, and always enjoyable. But is "too many" a hindrance to meeting someone? Or rather do they provide a "net" that keeps me from coming across as desperate while providing me with a small measure of "yardstick" to put a value on my time and efforts?

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: Wondrous Things

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Friendships, Women

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 4 comment(s)

"Hey buddy. Where should I do dinner tonight? Nothing swanky...very casual..."
- sms from gay buddy about to go on a first date.

There is a certain realisation that goes along with such a question, since you know you have reached a pinnacle of "know" when gay friends start asking you for dating and dining advice.

I have often toyed with the idea of doing restaurant/bar reviews either here or even starting a separate blog called "the dog eats", (I even went so far to reserve it) Since I like going out for dinner and all my dating experiences have given me a pretty good of idea of some great first and subsequent date places on offer on this little island...sort of like an Indiana Michelin star rating of date places and great hangouts.

For much of my research I have either relied on the word of mouth of friends, the odd magazine review or more often than not, one particular website: Blurbme.com. For a long time I was a voyeur of this site, using the reviews and ratings of others to help me navigate in a city that has been voted by Forbes as the 6th best city for "foodies" in the world. But in the last few weeks I decided to start putting my 2cents down, rather than start my own (knowing that I would never keep it up) or bore my readers from other countries with reviews of places they would never see let alone eat at by writing here, I instead decided to spend some time documenting my thoughts on some of the places that I have used while dating and more importantly while "trying to impress the girl".

Because after all, impressing her, is what it's all about.

So if this space has suffered while I feverishly documented my favourite haunts I aplogise and if you are interested in knowing where you may find Indy while he is dating or even just "hanging out" you can look here. (http://www.blurbme.com/stars.php/thedogsname)

Hint: I'm easy to spot I have my arm in a sling and look really silly trying to eat steak.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed:

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Dining, Drinking, Blurbme

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 8 comment(s)

Gremlin and I have been having a little off-blog tussle over the appropriateness and place of jeans as first date attire...

She claims (and since this is my Blog I feel free to misquote her) "to wear jeans - aha! now that's difficult. you gotta get the right cut, the right colour and a top to go with them and non-work looking shoes to match", and thus asserts that jeans be taken seriously as dating attire.

Me I think that if this is the case then more women really need to critically look in the mirror and buy jeans that actually fit.

She says that after a week of tight business skirts and suits coupled with office pumps a girl just wants to kick back and feel a little comfortable in her attire.

Me I think they scream, I couldn't be bothered to actually put thought and effort into dressing to impress you since "I am not that into you".

She says (or thinks) that jeans can look good on a girl and can be used to a woman's advantage to show her feminine curves, or her PLA.

Me I agree with her (just not on a first date), because in all my (limited) experience(s) I have only known 2 women who could pull off jeans as a first date look. Only 2 women who could totally wear them anytime and still make a very positive visual impression without even opening their mouths...

...which is not saying that I have not met women, or even been on dates with more than a few, who don't look amazing in jeans...just not on a first date.

She says I am superficial and maybe a tad shallow...

Me...erm...I think she is 100% correct.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: A Party Reciept

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Clothes, Jeans

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 14 comment(s)

"Morning price Sir, best price...looking not buying..."

And if there is a sale, then immediately after, the vendor waves the money around the store touching the merchandise, so that some spirit will be encouraged to convert the goods into more currency...as if an early sale will bring luck and good fortune for the day...

If you have ever traveled throughout South East Asia and left the confines of the Galleria's and the all-inclusive resorts then this type of sight may be familiar, a ritual or rather a belief in good fortune by association.

Which got me thinking*...

So as my apartment slowly starts to take a shape, a friend offered to help with the plans for a house-warming, and given that my new home is on the same floor as the condo pool, and given that I am a dirty perve I immediately said "but it has to be a bikini pool party" to which she replied "sure". ~grin~

So as the jumble of boxes starts to resemble an ordered pile awaiting collection by the moving company, and the list of essential Ikea items is compiled for a trip that is sure to be maddening and hellish, my thoughts turn to a bbq party to welcome all to my new abode and of course "new home first sex".

Wondering who, and more importantly how good it will be, since I wonder if as the old "morning price, best price" belief that brings fortune throughout the day to a shop, will translate and that good first sex in this place will likewise inspire a litany of "OMFG" screamed between moans and gasps that will keep me in a state of sexual satisfaction that I could very easily learn to get accustomed too. ~grin~

And if it does happen do I need to wave her g-string around touching my apartment to share and perpetuate the good fortune?

* Yes, I realise this can be dangerous. ~grin~

Update: Of course breaking my elbow meant a postponement to the plans for such a party, and instead after my second operation in a few months hence I will instead plan an "elbow coming out" party...said friend has agreed to help with these party plans as well. (I really do have some great friends ~grin~)

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: A Party Reciept

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Sex, Sexual Karma

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 8 comment(s)

Or maybe the title should be "standing alone" or rather a better more simple way of saying it would be: "I got stood up".

For the first time* in my life I was left alone sitting in a bar, as the progressing clock mirrored my warming libation I sat with a slow sinking feeling, the isolation of self and the rising knowledge that she was not going to show up, and I was sitting alone in a bar, a half finished (second) drink representing the failure of the evening.

Apprehension tinged hope leading to the sinking emptiness and hollowness of rejection.

A flurry of sms, a phone call and a follow up sms, a clearing of the air, and full apologies from her, which leaves the ball in my court with her "stated" hope that we can meet and that the evenings failure can be rectified, or at least forgotten, if I am still of a mind and inclination to do so.

But I am left wondering if the date meant so little the first time does it really deserve a second chance? Or should it be simply chalked up to "a life experience"?

* That will serve me right for suggesting that everything in life should be experienced at least once.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: An Old Dusty Mummy

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Dating, Women, Being Stood Up

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 14 comment(s)

Whenever you go on first dates (or even second and third ones) inevitably the question that comes up is a simple:

Why are you single?

And until this weekend I never knew how to answer it, instead I brushed it off with vague concepts, of meeting the wrong people, poor timing, geography, expatriate lifestyle and the constant moves, not ready, no mutual attraction, no spark, great person but no sexual attraction etc...all in all very good reasons, but still very vague ones that really did not encapsulate what I felt or what I believed answered this question fully for myself.

So why am I single?

Simple: I am yet to meet someone I can rely on to be both there for me and to be the person I need, not just want. I am yet to meet someone whom I can believe enough in to give up my own total self-reliance.

How do you answer that question?

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: Maybe An Answer

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Dating, Being Single

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 21 comment(s)

This expression grew out of the addendum that is often added to all tall tales told by men when they are questioned to the veracity of a story...

"well a bloke at the pub told me, so it must be true..."

The blokes at the pub are all real people, there are currently 6 (or so), and only one knows he is questioned on some matters and used as blog fodder, the rest are ignorant to the important role they play in verifying that I am not a complete lunatic when I climb out on that limb, and they usually ensure I am not alone on it.

Three of the blokes now live in other countries so, much of what I quote from them is the memory of long lost conversations in a far off bar or 3, or the result of email and chat threads, while the remaining members now reside here in Singapore. There is also quite a group on the periphery who are consulted or at least have their opinions given weight when the need for more input is valued.

Of mixed ages, backgrounds, cultures, education, professions though I admit they are all of what could be loosely coined as Anglo-Celtic in background (though my Dutch buddy would bristle at that label) they are opinionated, inquiring, not easily given over to folly unless of the feminine charms variety, they all enjoy a tipple of varied nature and are not afraid to stand for what they believe either alone or in concert. A few of them are married, and have done what they rest of us are yet to do, which is find an amazing partner, though I confess that only one has so far produced a sprog. So as far as a couple of Aussie's, a couple of Americans, a Dutch guy and a Suth Afreekin can represent the collective spirit of most men, these guys in my reality do...besides they are 6 of the most well adjusted and confident guys I know, who are not afraid of discourse on any topic from Creationism and the Bible to anal sex, how to cook the perfect egg, or even the etiquette involved in finding and paying for a bar-girl...

...these blokes really will discuss anything openly and mostly without (ok...some) embarrassment.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: Meaning Value And Being Good

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Origin, Wisdom of Men

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 5 comment(s)

Chicken and an Egg lying in bed, Chicken is smoking a cigarette.*

Well I guess that answers the above question

So is it the love/lust that comes before the friendship, or the friendship before the love/lust...or to totally throw a spanner in my synapses, can they both develop at the same time?

I used to, meaning that all my experiences were of the love/sex very quickly becoming the focus and then trying to build the friendship while still being fascinated and slightly obsessed with the naked body next too you...

...recently, or maybe even for a while, I have wondered whether being friends first, having that level of sharing and maybe understanding first is a better way to go before one gives way to lust? Whether you can build both (assuming there is a level of attraction) at the same time, before you give way to more simple carnal pleasure?

* I realise this question would be a lot more fun if their was a Rooster involved...otherwise it opens a whole new set of questions?

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: Beyond My Reflection

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Friendships, Relationships

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 10 comment(s)

Note: If posts were sponsored this one would come to you with thanks to Gremlink for the friend of a friend connection, and with a very special thanks to Smoot for saying nice things about me, and speaking of me in such high regard. (The Cheque is in the mail)

---

I guess it was inevitable.

That with a circle of friends that includes more than a few rather attractive attached or labeled with the "just" prefix females that the blind date would eventually become part of my experiences.

And so it did.

Which would be a boring chapter in my memoirs if I left it at that, and did not share any of the insights.

The first thing about a blind date, is the simple fear...what if she is fat and ugly? And while I recognise the absolute minimal depth included in such a fear, I bet its the same for the girl. A public venue for a shared dining experience, with someone who turns out to look like the in-bred brother from Deliverence is not my idea, nor I guess anyone’s, idea of a pleasant evening. The second fear is that the conversation will be one-sided and you will be carrying the evening alone on the back of as much pain killing vino as you can guzzle and your credit card can bear.

Fortunately for me, neither fear was realised, though I did have to drink the lion share of the vino, since someone had chosen to drive, and so was limiting her intake...so she got points for being responsible but definitely lost them for including her car in the dates fabric and thus limiting the after dinner drink option, for continued conversation and sharing.*

The other thing about a blind date more than any other form of dating is that first visual, the first glimpse where you go “wow” or you go “oh” and try to cover it with a smile of feigned joy, and use the quick step in and cheek-kiss to allow your face to rearrange itself into a mask of normalcy. Now this first few seconds of the blind date tells you everything you need to know about how the evening will progress, just as women are judging us by our shoes** we are judging her appearance in those first few seconds. The overall “package” and presentation is assessed and found to be desirable (or not) but perhaps more importantly what she wears on a date sends a message as to her interest and her desire to impress...the effort she has put into getting ready, reflects her excitement at the prospect.

And in those first few seconds, the success of the date is measured…

…some people will call, “bullshit”, and suggest its in the later discovery and conversation that the success or lack thereof is decided, but this is simply not true. Because lets face it, two well-traveled educated people with a shared passion for skiing will always be able to fill a few hours with some inane conversation that is both stimulating, insightful, devoid of embarrassed silences and that simply flows smoothly and includes a few laughs.

So a date’s success, especially in the case of a blind date is quite simply decided in those first few “thin-sliced” moments.

And in that moment.

Well in that moment, she told me, or maybe I just heard, that she did not want to be there.

Which is a slight pity since she was both attractive, intelligent, easy to talk too, professional, driven and fun to be with (and I know thats lots of both's)***, but what was possibly a nervous situational initial vibe was later confirmed as both nerves and a lack of "feeling" for seeing me again and were relayed after the date. As I said, pity...since in the days after I would have liked to have seen what a second date would have been like...especially with less nerves.

* While I recognise the independent salaried professional status derived from owning a vehicle in this city, it really is not a good thing to bring it on a date with you, it limits the opportunity for the date to flow from dinner to later venues and the consciousness of the idea “that I have to drive” is not one tailoring itself to a relaxing time.
** Mine were black, no scuff marks, matched my pants, and were recently cleaned and polished. And no I did not wear the $400 shirt.
*** In short she is a bit of a good catch. ~grin~

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: It's Not New

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Dating, The Blind Date

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 7 comment(s)

“…Voltz watched the bartenders. ‘They don’t care. Deliberation is one of the ingredients of the martini,’ he said. ‘It has to be made with deliberation. To care about the martini shows that you know what it is that goes to make that which could be called, in life, fine.’
After a moment of thoughtful silence, Voltz said, ‘All that’s truly fine.’ And then, ‘All that’s truly fine in life.’…”
- Martini, A Memoir
Frank Moorhouse

Deliberation: to make conscious and focused movements and/or thought with a single goal or purpose…to make choices that are at best described as methodical, planned, carefully chosen or in a single word: deliberate.

I wonder how many people actually care enough to be deliberate? Care enough to know what is truly fine in life?

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: What Is Dating?

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Martini Wisdom, Deliberate Purpose

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 8 comment(s)

Oral Sex...men to women.

7% of men would like to give oral but don't
52% already do perform oral on a partner,
July, New Man.

Which means 41% of guys in Singapore don't...WTF?

41% refuse to "go down" on their partners, in a country where Brazilian waxing salons almost outnumber the banks, why are men so "fearful" of going down...it can't be cleanliness, I would hope its not from a desire to not please their partners...so why?

Why, do so many not travel south and enjoy the "Mons of Venus"? Fear, loathing, abhorrence, disgust or is it plain ignorance?

Personally I have made no secret of the fact that I love going down, and arrogantly consider myself pretty good at it, I also have some hopes or expectations that my partner likewise has some skill and enthusiasm for it...for if one does not enjoy the doing, the receiving is always less than it could and indeed should be.

And since very few men use the claim "I don't like the taste"...

...I have a theory (or an opinion if you prefer)...men do not like to do anything they are not good at...and its not like they teach cunnilingus at school (or at least they don't at any I have ever been connected with*) But even that is not a good answer, since the wondering of such asks, why are women not more demanding at worst, or at best better teachers...is the blame on one side or does it rest on guidance needed and not given?

Is bad a oral a result of the giver having no skill and aptitude, or is it because the receiver offers no guidance?

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: The Map To Heaven

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Sex, Women

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 9 comment(s)

Question: “Can we fix it?”
Refrain: “Yes we can!”
- Bob the Builder

So hospital food has improved a lot since I last indulged of their fare…but not much.

…oh, and having your elbow put back together with a screw and then bound up with wire is not the most pleasant of experiences, finding out it will be three months of recuperation is even less so.

Even if I did get to have a couple of hours of drug induced sleep.

So what happened? Basically...erm...I fell off my bike.*

Small cut, lots of blood, very helpful taxi driver (thanks to Mr. Toh, wherever he is), hospital, more blood, x-rays, damage assessed, specialist called, advice given and taken, checking in, forms, blood test, drugs, surgery…and now recovery.

Not how I had planned to spend the rest of this week, or the upcoming months. This will definitely put the breaks on the dating game...though maybe I can work the sympathy angle...make up a story that’s a bit more dangerous than “ermm...I fell off my bike”.

The best part...I now have a tough scar on my arm, and as we all know “chick’s dig scars”...or so a Bloke at the Pub told me so it must be true…right?

And the worst part….there were no naughty nurses, no short skirts, no cleavage baring attire, no heels and no exposed stocking tops...not even on the night shift.

Oh and my best Steph moment, trying to wipe my own bum with one arm in plaster and the other with a drip…probably not my finest hour, though I did demonstrate a certain flexibility.

Not to mention, no private rooms available, so I get no Inter-geek, and my room mates belch, snore and fart more than an “alcoholic hippo on the cabbage soup diet”.

* I don’t recall being distracted by a PLA, and if I was then I hope the memory returns and the view proves to have been worth all the pain.

Special Thanks to all those who sent me kind words and best wishes, to VPS for offering to fly in and nurse me, to Gremlin for offering to visit (I bet with kids in tow), to E@L for giving a magazine of women in various states of undress to a man with his arm in a sling and to Titania for offering to help me wash my back...thank you.

...the humour at my clumsiness is both appreciated and shows what nice friends I have. ~grin~

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: A Broken Body

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Broken Body, Hospital

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 14 comment(s)