The Dog's Name

Translated by
Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones, Jnr
Thursday, September 13, 2007

Do you get so used to look for the double meaning, the hidden agenda and the veiled purpose that you stop trusting in the truth of someone's words...do you get to a place where you seek so much to read between the lines, that reading what is simply written becomes a thing you no longer even consider?

We all know that in dating, often what is said and what is meant are too different things? We all know that it is often referred to as "a game", a term that many take umbrage with and yet one that aptly describes both the attitudes and actions of many “playing”. So while we all yearn for an honest situation, we are all also guilty of manipulating the facts, of omissions, of the murmured “nothing” in response to a question asked instead of venturing a real opinion or concern.

But I can't help but hope maybe this life of “between the lines”, of seeking the real intent behind actions and words is not really how it’s supposed to be and that maybe for some people what is said is exactly what they mean, and exactly what is intended.

Wouldn't that make it so much simpler? Wouldn't it make it...fun?

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: A View From Wednesday

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Sex, Relationships

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00

32 Comments:

Peranakan Dude said...: Dude, what good is a rugby game if you could run through all the time and score tries, sans tackles, rucks and mauls, even? You get my drift... with Le Femme, things get frustrating too, trying to understand what she wants and needs, and she's quite a handful to handle-- in every sense of those terms-- but I still think it's more fun than if she'd came along with an instruction manual!; 09:07
Indiana said...: Dude: In answer to your first question...erm...that would be Australia vs. Japan ~grin~

I'm not asking for an instruction manual I am asking that a yes mean "yes" and a no mean "no". And I am wondering why it does not?; 09:20
Peranakan Dude said...: Ah, that. Hmmm. Let me get back to you... :P; 09:56
peculiar said...: yea. games. just gotta love it huh. all the unspoken words, if spoken, would make thing much easier.

i guess for most of us, our experiences just teach us to be that way sometimes. sometimes, it doesn't pay to be completely open, or rather, it just costs so much more which will ironically/paradoxically, costs that much more which is so......... frustrating(!!!).

you're right, it'll make things simpler and more... fun but i guess it's just not the simplest thing to do.; 10:59
The Mama said...: I've always only wanted to be honest with myself and the people i love. i detest the game in relationships. i've never played it.; 11:02
TC said...: You know, I don't think it's so much that we like looking for hidden meaning or reading between the lines so much as every time we haven't done that, we've regretted it. Or maybe that's just me. Now, I'm conditioned to do so.

But yeah, it would be nice to just once in awhile know that what someone says is all they mean.; 11:51
Indiana said...: Dude: No worries!

Peculiar: I agree. I understand the lies that we tell with a view to protecting ourselves, but you have to ask what purpose they ultimately serve?

Mama: You have NEVER? played relationships games...never fished for a compliment? never acted or done something to make a partner jealous? never acted contrary to what you desire for relationship peace? you have never told a lie in a relationship to avoid a fight? And you have never said "nothing" when asked "what's wrong?"...

Wow...quite simply WOW!

TC: I hate how I look for hidden meaning and "the agenda" as a natural thought action rather than looking first with simple trust.; 12:54
skinny said...: indy, not playing the game... is not as difficult as you imagine.

you start doing it, and then all of a sudden you'll meet another field of people, where a yes means a yes, and a no means a no.; 14:01
sofia said...: has it come to the point where you doubt even honesty when it looks you in the face...simply because you have made looking for hidden meanings into a habit?; 16:10
Indiana said...: Skinny: mmmm, only one problem with that theory of people, either I have always played the game and not known it, or those people never existed for much of my dating experience prior to recent forays.

But the idea that those people exist is a nice thought?

Sofia: I don't know if I doubt it, as so much have a little trouble recognising it? As for "reading between the lines" as becoming a habit...I would say it has and it is, and that without that ability one's life in the work world is short lived and bloody...what I just need to do is not use the same yardstick to measure all people.; 17:04
Dr Bamboo said...: Actually lately for the last couple of years I have taken the no-bullshit approach to dating and it's worked. If I like a girl I tell her. If I ask her on a date I call it a date. They appreciate the honesty.

We talk about real stuff - I even ask about past relationships and am happy to tell some tales in return. Just put it all on the table and it will pay off. As long as you have the confidence.; 21:10
Who am I? said...: I don't play anymore, which is the same thing as saying I don't date. If I thought it could be done without subterfuge and the ever-present struggle for the upper-hand, I would date. Also, if I thought it would be fun, I would date. What you are describing, however, it the main reason I don't. But hey, that's just me. Some people find games fun. Some people like to play - so let 'em, I say. They can have my share fo that kind of fun...; 04:55
M said...: yea, I'm not a fan of those types of games where manipulation takes place. I realise that sometimes game stuff is not about manipulation but about self protection and while it's still annoying you can't hang someone because of it. I also do think that in some ways people just approach this way of meeting people without even thinking about how it affects the other person..they just think it's normal to play games. I don't think it's normal to play games - but I know that sometimes people just 'do it' anyway.

I have to admit that when it dawns on me that someone is being overly coy or ...I dunno...I smell a lie (or an obvious line even) then I begin to withdraw BIG TIME and in the end probably won't want to have anything to do with the person...

I don't think I play games - well definitely *not* in a conscious and manipulative/malicious way anyway - I don't want to 'use' someone, I don't even play coy, though I am definitely all about wanting to know the psychology of someone. So I do tend to ask a lot of 'why did you do that?' questions. Maybe that's playing games because it tells me a lot about the person. I ask why questions of everyone I meet though so I'm not necessarily discriminating here.

I hate being suspicious of people but I admit that I TOTALLY am, especially since I do know that so many men really do subscribe to those little adages like 'treat em mean, keep em keen' and 'don't ring her straight away' etc.; 05:15
Steph said...: We can't really just lay our cards out on the table from the very first date. It pays to be a bit guarded I think, but outright game playing is not on and just wastes time.; 10:01
TC said...: I hate thatI do too, but I think that over time, that's how we're conditioned. And yes, it would be nice if it was as simple as "I'm not going to do it anymore." But it's not.; 10:18
Sarah said...: Sounds all swell, but show me someone who actually does that.; 23:59
Peranakan Dude said...: So...any luck progressing forwards without resorting to mind games and second guessing what she wants? Assuming you're following up with the same her...; 00:39
The Mama said...: impressive, eh? have you ever read a book called, "Radical Honesty" by Brad Blanton?; 00:50
brad said...: i lie more than i tell the truth. that is changing in me. but i think it best to open my comment with that statement to show how subjective i am and how i'm applying the post more to me than you.

what if my yes meant yes and my no meant no. how far would that go in engaging change in those around me?

i want to live in courage... but its the fear that encourages me to 'play the game'.

brad; 02:18
Enigma said...: I may be stating the obvious here, so bear with me,but usually people play games because they are frightened of getting hurt,becoming vulnerable, or ,that old chestnut, wanting aproval.
It takes a lot of courage and a strong sense of self to state what you want and how you feel, especially when your not sure of where the other person is coming from. In the last few years I have decided to be as open as I think the other person can handle...I have thought to myself before I have opened up "what is the worst that can happen?'..and usually the worst is that I will be embarresed or rejected.....which funnily enough, scince I have started being really direct, has never happened...and even if I have not particularly got the response I have wanted at the time, I have always felt better for having done it.

I agree with Skinny, there is a whole world of people for who a "yes" means yes and a "no" means no.
I have always wondered why people don,t just ask someone what they want, or how they feel,and have found the reason is usually they are frightened of the answer.
Also I don,t ever think we can have true intimacy, without honesty.; 08:47
ChickyBabe said...: And if we get so adept at doing it, does it filter into other aspects of our lives, such as work and our regular interactions. Never been a fan of playing games.; 09:48
skinny said...: ..."either I have always played the game and not known it"....

indy, are you serious??; 18:31
Indiana said...: Dr. Bamboo: Well I have still found, or rather am still finding that women generally don't really want to be told that you like them. So I seem to be currently paddling between the devil and the deep blue.

Who Am I?: I think the only way to not play is to not date.

M: Well as for the "don't ring her straight away" I have been taught that it is a rule even women abide by...meaning that in recent conversations with women I have been on dates with the told me that my calling them the next day reeked of both desperation and scared them off...so maybe there really is something to the 3-day rule? Which is a pity?

Steph: So there is a fine line between honesty and the playing games?

TC: It's one of those things that we learn through our experiences that we wish we did not have to learn, or in fact actually ever did.

Sarah: I agree.

Dude: Honestly. I am still trying to work out the local girls...so its a case of two steps forward one step back.

The Mama: No I haven't, is it worth it?

Brad: Fear...or is it just easier?

Enigma: I agree...intimacy without trust and honesty will never happen.

Chicky: Long time no hear from. I think it does filter into the rest of our lives.

Skinny: Yes. Totally. I am either clueless to myself playing the game or have been unlucky. Because I think (and I might be deluding myself) but I do think that I have been more than honest, often to my detriment, when it comes to dating.

Sadly I don't know if my integrity has been what I would want it in other areas...but I guess I am trying to improve each day.; 21:18
skinny said...: ha, i don't know you in person, but from what i read from your blog, all the rules, lists, it all sounds like a game more than anything to me, everything get analyzed, evaluated in blog viewed by the public....

and you sometimes get dates via this blog, right? are you sure you are not hanging out with the wrong crowds?

no offense, but i don't know whether to say you are suprisingly naive, or delusional, or else....; 00:35
Enigma said...: This post has been removed by the author.; 06:19
Enigma said...: ps i,ll try that again.

time
Translated Thursday, January 12, 2006 by Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones, Jnr.

"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die." - Roy Batty

I was perusing some of your old blogs,and this jumped out at me...it is one of my favourite moments in a film...for some reason it has always touched me deeply
cheers dears.

06:19; 07:20
Indiana said...: Skinny: When I talk about "never playing the game" I guess it is with reflection and the benefit of hindsight as I try to make sense and order of my past. This blog is nearly two years old and the lessons or the reflections I pen here have only really been applied or even used for the past year.

Prior to that I was just me...so this is me trying to make sense of it all and I guess get the upper hand or at least a measure of control when it comes to dating.

And I think that is the case because experience and reflection has lead me to one conclusion, just as women, regardless of what they say to the contrary don't really want a nice guy, men who play games and have a strategy/plan to "impress" and woo their date are the guys that:

1. Get the dates, and,
2. Impress the girl enough to get a second date.

So I guess I am trying to record my learnings so that younger men do not have to have the same fruitless adventures that I have had.

Yes I have had dates through my blog, and as to whether I play games or am indeed what my writing suggests you would have to ask those ladies.

Enigma: It's always been one of my favourite moments as well...Roy letting Deckard live as he realises life is the most important thing.; 08:56
Enigma said...: , And sharing your death with your "enemy' has a poignant intimacy to it.; 10:07
Miss Frou Frou said...: And once again, you express some of my own concerns and why I think I am better off not dating... my most recent post is a play on this.

I don't play coy, if I like you I make it clear, and if I don't the same. I ask a lot of questions of those that interest me, which can be confronting, but heah... I'm happy to answer them too, if you interest me.

And even though I am honest, there is always still this misunderstanding.. a lack of trust in my honesty. A female friend said, you confuse them, because you don't play games, but everyone does, and so they mistrust your honesty... arghh...; 11:04
skinny said...: maybe we're just talking about something completely different here.

you devote so much time reflecting "the art of dating", which mainly involves "games to impress". of course dating is a stage people must go through, but are you so much into dating as an end in itself as to find such engergy to play the game consciously and sub-consciously?

what i'm trying to say is... girls who say "yes" and means "yes", would probably be able to read through your "game to impress" right away. girls who can't see it, probably not worth the hassle anyway, even if you can get a second date.

if "dating" is a goal in itself, maybe it'll worth all these work analyzing. otherwise, it's just a simple life deduction exercise: there are generalizations, there are exceptions to prove the rules, one really doen't need quantity or even quality to mess up his/her mind more. but then, i can't stop people from self-indulging in this sort of game. maybe to some, "i date therefore i exsit".

happy dating and hunting!; 15:47
Dr Bamboo said...: anyway Indy, I will be in town this Tue/Wed...if you're interested in a cold one or two the only number I have is +971 50 2528968 - send me a text and maybe we can catch up on WED nite. Don't be shy abt bringing your friends or partners: I'll be bringing a local gal...; 05:45
Indiana said...: Enigma: That's true...but maybe realising that he is not your enemy at the end is more poignant.

Miss FF: That might be true...distrust often springs from the unknown or that which we have never experienced.

Skinny: A girl might indeed see through the game...but that is not saying she doesn't want the man to still play his part.

Dr. Bamboo: Well unfortunately I have plans for this week...so enjoy your cold one and your local gal.; 08:54