The Dog's Name

Translated by
Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones, Jnr
Friday, July 06, 2007

Do you know how many people you have slept with?

And while revealing that number to the world, or more importantly someone who you hope will be adding to that number is a big no-no, is there a consensus to how many is acceptable? Is it acceptable to say one a year for every year since you lost your virginity minus any years married or in a conventional (ie: monogamous non-open) relationship? Would two a year, or possibly one every two years, seem like a fair number to expect? And perhaps for many people the inevitable question, what constitutes sex, does penetration have to occur or is oral an equally valid pleasurable activity to keep the number ticking over? Or what if you didn't cum?*

I guess I ponder this as I realise in slightly over 6 months it will be 20 years since I lost my virginity, since with fumbled and very inept grappling I think I managed about 5 thrusts into the poor girl before I collapsed, spent, and my internally trained Catholic guilt kicked in and I was rushing, almost pushing her out the door with embarrassed apologies, and I am sure bewildered thoughts of "wtf was that? And that's it?" since I can pretty much guarantee any pleasure she received from the momentary episode was fleeting, short, and not really worth taking her clothes off for.

But with this milestone approaching...does it mean I should have slept with 10 women, 20, 40 or even more...should it matter? Does it? And is there a number in which the knowing of would somehow change the perception of me, by both my friends, and especially any women I hope to repeat the experience with, though hopefully in a more skilled manner than that first time?

According to the Durex report (see here) 73% of people have had on average 10.5 sexual partners or more. There is no surprise that men appear to be more slutty than women, but I have to wonder if that is a result of bullshit bragging and female reticence and tendency to conveniently forget the times it wasn't good. But again its just a number, but you still have to hand it to those Chinese at 19.3, I did not see that coming. ~grin~ But those Singaporeans...wow at only 5.8...mmm, maybe a few more risque and ribald encounters are in order. ~bigger grin~

I know it should not matter, logic, pragmatism, and even dating and relationship experience tells me it should not, yet I also realise that as a guy you have the "idiot gear" and sooner or later start asking questions the answer to which will cause reactions varying from relief to the more normal indignant outrage whereby a previously fantastic relationship ends in the blinking of a question mark. But if it should not matter, apart from giving the people at Durex something to survey besides penile size, then why do we seem, actually why are we, so obsessed with it?

* In which case there would be a huge number of women all around the world who would still be, at least by that definition, virgins.

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: A Needed Respite

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Sex, Relationships

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00

14 Comments:

Miss Natalie said...: I need to do a recount. It's a shame that names blur but the feelings and action I remember like it was yesterday...

I have often asked how many are too many, I don't have an answer.; 10:09
Summer said...: If 1 a year is how many partners you're supposed to have had, then that must mean I started before I was even in middle school.

I'm not proud of my number, but I'm also not ashamed. I think a number is just that, nothing more. It tells you nothing of real importance about a person.

I could just as easily not have had that many partners if the right person came along early enough.; 14:29
lucy said...: I think people care about the number because it's a big judgement stick that you can wield.

Too many or too low and you think you've pegged their personality and morale's.

My number is low and not something I'm too fussed over. But personally unless you're over the 3 digit figure (and then I'll just want to learn from you :)) it's not something I give much weight to.

(Although I suppose by putting a 'maximum' number right there I wielded said judgement)

Eh.; 19:34
Scorpy said...: I read a similar post the other day about 'how many partners..' and my answer was waaay high. I said then that I was a bit of a wild child but it (Karma) has turned full circle and the drought is prolonged with no end in site but then again I'm not looking either :); 20:09
M said...: Do you think you judge someone harshly on too many or too little?

I honestly don't think the number matters at all (and I don't really care to know) but if they're desperate to tell there is going to be a judgment made by me: someone could have slept with 100 women and if he treated them nice then it's all good but if he left them in the lurch/was drunk off his tits most times/cheated etc etc then he's certainly not worth bothering with at all.

It's not the #, it's the human element that counts. Does that make any sense?; 20:37
ying said...: Personally I wouldn't date a guy who (a) doesn't have sufficient sexual experience and (b) who wouldn't share his porn collection with me.

In other words, if he isn't good in bed (NOT possible to judge by number of partners he has had) and/or is selfish with something as mutually gratifying as porn, then big red flags start waving in my face.; 21:47
Sarah said...: I stopped counting my number when I realized that it didn't matter to me. I honestly don't care how many people I slept with or how many the guy has slept with. We chose each other for a particular moment in time and that's all that matters to me.; 01:46
Adjil said...: Like Sarah (odd because that also happens to be my first name - a little adjil trivia there) - I stopped counting a long time ago, and would be hard pressed to come up with a "number."

It really doesn't matter to me.; 05:26
Sunny Delight said...: I have a feeling I am one of your older readers, thus from my vantage point of well-advanced years...

In my youth it mattered...now...nah...not so much...I have no desire to know his, and have no desire to relate mine. (although I do remember each one)

What is important is who I am with now...eh...or who I will be with in some unforeseen future time...as that hasn't happened yet...but as long as we both have a really good time...contentment will reign.; 06:17
Indiana said...: General Comment: This post was inspired in part by something I read recently in a local "lads mag" and the fact I had just returned from the wedding of a mate who now at the age of 32 has a sum total of 1 conquest...so I was actually wondering what a 32 year old guy feels like after so much waiting (but that will be another post)

Nat: I don't know if there is a answer, though I guess I am happy that I can remember the names of all mine...or at least when I am sober.

Summer: There is nothing wrong with being a sexual person and choosing to express it through sex with partners...and the 1 a year was just a number, not a suggestion for a rule.

Lucy: I think, if most people are honest, that they know the number does not matter, but at the same time most people only use it to judge if there is too much of a disparity between a couples numbers...personally I do not want to share, and do not want to know, I would prefer to say that life has brought me to you and that's all that matters.

Scorpy: Karma is such a bitch...she and Wishes always conspire to give me exactly what I ask for but not quite the way I intended.

M: No...but having said that I do look upon someone with a very low number once they get to a certain age and would wonder why? or maybe how?

And yes it does make sense, if you like someone, their past has made them the person you like...to judge that is to change the person you met and the person you see.

Ying: Well then you wouldn't date me cause I don't actually have a (b) so I could not share it. But sexual experience does not relate to skill...but I do agree I would not date someone with whom I did share sexual passion and who sucked in bed (unless she sucked really well ~grin~)...also I won't date a bad kisser.

Sarah: And that's all that should matter.

Adjil: I usually don't keep count too, but there weren't that many that I could not recall them all and tally it up...and again its just a number it relates nothing about the person...unless maybe its in the thousands.

Sunny: The REALLY good time, mutually shared is the most important part.; 10:18
My LA Story said...: Wow - this has just become relevant in my life. I have met a man who has slept with MANY women (I can hardly dare to imagine) while I have a scant handful of men. Will this work? Will we be compatible in bed? My take on this is that I was married for 13 years so there's my experience. And as for him, I just hope I'm the beneficiary of all of his experience. :); 13:23
Sarah said...: My LA Story- I am in the same situation right now--the guy has something like 5 times the "experience" I have. He swears we're just fine in bed together :); 23:17
ying said...: She may or may not suck real well but you won't know til you try! Unfortunately that goes for the guys as well - you won't know if they're good til you "test drive", so to speak. And before you get there, there's the whole "will he think me a cheap slut if I told him I wanted to sleep with him" private monologue.; 20:04
Indiana said...: Ying: Whether his thoughts run to the "slut line" really will depend on how much he has decided he likes you. And the two of you being clear what you want...if its just sex, then he might be happy with the arrangement or he might think less of you...like the "test drive" you never know until it happens.; 09:06