The Dog's Name

Translated by
Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones, Jnr
Wednesday, August 22, 2007

I wrote this quite some time ago, and just never got around to posting it...and now that I have I wonder how much of it resonates with me and is still true today?

I have been “in love” a few times in my life, but I still seem to get caught in a certain trap each time. I don’t know whether I am simply a victim of timing, that every woman has had similiar qualities (they didn't seem to, having come from different backgrounds, cultures and spiritual places) or maybe it is me, but if I have learnt anything, it's that integrity is, for me, the most important trait.

I have a friend who says she wants 4 things in a partner, number 1 is a committed Christian, and number 2 is an honest man. She used to think that one would be inclusive of the other, but has found that they are not. Experience has shown me she is right. One blogger I used to read with regularity made comments about seeking someone who in honorable and that may be a nice way to put it.

I like to use the word: integrity, since I think it encompasses so many similar feelings that are more apt, but the truth is I want someone who is honest about who they are? Where they are? And perhaps most importantly, where they are willing to go?

Someone who is willing to work at trust and is not in the relationship for the sake of not being single or because they don't want to be alone or feel lonely, but is rather in the relationship because she is into me and wants to take it as far as we can.

“Ms. Right for now.” is no longer, and hasn't been an option for quite awhile.

And as I re-read it I realise it might not all be true...I guess I have been lied to so often by those I thought loved me and professed such that maybe the truth is that honesty simply does not exist...and that the idea of finding one "forever" situation is in fact a foolish dream better suited to an older age and not one driven by computers, fear, and selfish greed...maybe here and now is all we have, so maybe the lies do not matter because all we have is each moment to live and then discard along with the hearts left trampled in such a path.

But even with these new thoughts buzzing in my head, I wonder is there such a thing as honesty...is it what we all really crave? Is it actually what I crave, and if so why do I struggle so much to find it? Am I really simply searching for someone to believe, or right now would I be happy to settle for even a believable lie?

Last year in the Temple of Doom, Indiana unearthed: Shitting In Your Own Nest

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Dating, Relationships, Honesty

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00

14 Comments:

Miss Natalie said...: honesty - as they say the truth hurts, do we really want to be hurt in our relationships?

i'd prefer someone with morals and as you say integrity. i believe on some level it's safer...

when you say 'forever' is there any such thing these days, 5 years is 'a good run' i do however *want* the fairytale but i'm scarred i'll be the villain.

as you know i'm not one to be in a relationship for the sake of having a 'boyfriend' i want someone that can laugh at my quirkiness, flaws and eccentricities and i can shake my head and smile at their's. in saying that the boy must be honest with their heart thats its love. real. true. deep love.

you say you've experienced love a few times, i've experienced it few ... once more is all i need (i think); 09:33
Indiana said...: Nat: I want someone who wants to be with me, and does not just give that lip service but instead offers it through action...

...as for love...I would be very happy to experience it just one more time.; 09:39
Shawn said...: This is a good post - certainly something to think about. I am dating someone very temporarily - he's leaving in a month and a half - but the time I spend with him is great. He's honest - he has integrity - he is a sexy wonderful man - I like him way more than I should for him leaving - and I'm thankful as all get out to have this feeling, even if it is temporary. It's priceless.

And the sex is phenomenal!; 11:27
miss j said...: Wow! This post is packed with thoughts... sad thoughts really. I think that all relationships are a risk but you can't go into it from a jaded perspective or it will be doomed.
The thing is-- trust takes a while to earn and to build and of course while people are getting to know each other.. they do put their best feet forward.
Especially if someone was getting to know someone with as impeccably high standards as yours Indy :)
The fact that we get hurt and messed around shouldn't rule out the fact that there is a perfect person out there.. or at least someone perfect for us. I refuse to believe that it doesn't exist and life is to be made up of heart-wrenching, emotionally draining experiences that leave us more alone than when we started.
Have a little faith!

This is the hardcore romantic idealist in me talking of course..; 11:34
Tiny said...: A relationship builds on trust and dishonesty (or lack of integrity) kills a relationship.

It takes time to know someone and to build the trust in relationship. As one grows older, it gets harder to find a real friend. So, imagine the difficulty of finding someone who can share mutual love with you. It takes patience.

Perhaps, don't look so hard in finding someone, and she might show up when you least expect it. That's what I remind myself every now and then.; 11:53
sofia said...: honesty or integrity in the other person or in the entire relationship isn't necessary for things to be exciting or fulfilling. but if it is as you wrote -- that "right for now" is no longer what you really crave -- then honesty has to be a part of that package. we all lie to our partners sometimes for reasons of our own, it usually makes everything worse...but that is no reason to give up, is it? =); 12:01
Scorpy said...: Mate, we should honestly start a club like 'Women's Anonymous' a twelve step program to weed ourselves off our bad relationship habits.! Stuff it I think I just found a new post. I'll get back to you:
PS: I hate women that make lists of what they want in a man...we aren't used cars!!!!; 13:26
Indiana said...: Shawn: I don't know if I would ever want to enter a situation (again) that I knew was going to be finite even if I knew it was going to be amazing. I get attached and it just hurts too much.

Miss J: I tend to think that trust is given in new situations until someone proves they are not worthy of that trust...you start with a full bucket...and then you poke holes in it, until there is nothing left.

I had a little faith...now I am just looking for a good idea.

Tiny: Well since I have totally given up looking it only stands to reason (and hopefully cosmic fate) that I will meet someone very soon then...

...save that I do tend believe that being proactive is the better course of action.

Sofia: Trust is not really need if all you want to do is fuck each others brains out, but if you actually want to get to know someone and like them...then you need to be able to rely on them...and that takes trust.

...sometimes, depending on the lie, it actually is time to give up?

Scorpy: One day I hope to meet someone who does not make me feel like all I do is live the same negative cycle, and jump through the same hoops on a path to failure and heartache.; 17:04
M said...: honesty - well truth hurts but it also sets you free. I really do think that - sometimes it can hurt a lot though, but not as much as lie, which is the kind of hurt that goes straight to the soul. :/; 18:16
Tiny said...: You will enjoy the break from dating. You won't notice too much that you are alone if you have friends that keep you company.

Unless you are going to lock yourself up at your home, you are bound to meet someone. Maybe at work? Maybe at social gathering with friends?; 18:54
Indiana said...: M: The hurt of a lie is that it throws everything else into question, everything that was known becomes doubt, and you simply can't believe you find yourself questioning everything related to the person from where the lie came.

Tiny: Never at work, "Shitting in the Nest" is the dumbest thing someone can do. And that is the voice of experience speaking there...so never again. Maybe a nice friend will introduce me to someone with whom I find a connection...or maybe I have already met the person and just failed to realise it.; 19:15
Miss Natalie said...: actions do speak louder than words...

i want someone who wants to be with me and i want to find someone that i *want* to be with, not just to pass the time but feel that person (not that way, okay yes that way and more)

Scorpy, your comment about woman writing list of what they want - i find it easier to write what i don't want :-P; 11:15
The Exception said...: There is such a thing as honesty and integrity in a relationship. I think that they go hand-in-hand. Honesty might sting at times, but the lie and betrayal felt when one discovers dishonesty in a relationship cripples, if it doesn't completely destroy anything that was there.

I think that relationships lack honesty because, at some point, people find that they have something to lose. It is easier and safer to lie or hide things than to risk judgment by someone you love. Perhaps being honest will end the relationship. People don't realize that once the dishonesty is present the relationship has lost something special - their fear has been realized to some extent.

I have had such relationships that prioritize honesty - both love and friendship relationships. They work. I don't often hear what I want to hear nor do they, but we both trust that there is more to lose in dishonesty than in honesty and respect/integrity.; 00:14
Kat Wilder said...: I think the most important thing before you can be honest with someone else is that you can be honest with yourself. This is harder because we're very good at ignoring our gut that says, "something's wrong" or declaring, "I really want someone who's honest, kind,, etc., etc." and then picking someone (and staying with someone) who's not, even though we recognize it on a level.

And if you're honest with yourself, then you won't fear talking about the tough stuff with someone you care about.; 11:44