All relationships have boundaries, those invisible lines in the sand, either spoken or understood that set up the framework for the relationship whether it be that of plain friendship or for lovers.

The spoken ones are easy, you state your case, and with a bit of political lobbying the line is drawn, it’s the tacit ones that cause some angst, because to know them is to assume you’re both coming from the same position and heading to the same goal…but by far the worst boundaries are those that are stated but that you both know you intend to cross as soon as you have the opportunity. These last ones are the ones made for “appearances” or because a situation is not as clear or as comfortable as it could be…i.e: it's like ... life.

And these boundaries are largely psychological not physical, since there is very few of them that will result in physical hurt or harm but the violation of them can lead to emotional pain and suffering. So should they remain solid, uncrossed, unexplored, and left standing and un-tested? I don’t think so, I’ve crossed a lot of boundaries with people in my life, some because I felt it was the right thing to do, sometimes for the perverse sense of pleasure I got from going somewhere that others wouldn’t dare, and other times for that simplest of reasons that: “I felt like it.”

Worse is if you setup boundaries in a relationship, do you have the right to question them or move them if they don’t work for you? Or in doing so, do you change the relationship into something new, something that the other person is not ready for or not yet, if ever, prepared to be a part of?

Lately I have wondered about boundaries…as I skirt very close to some that I would step across in a heartbeat. But I feel restraint at the risk of others involved…which makes me sound more caring than I probably really am, in truth I am just being cautious and looking out for the minefield. Maybe it’s just with wisdom I have decided that some boundaries, of my own making, are not to be crossed and then some are…and that other people are no different.

Would I want to live a life without boundaries? Probably not.

There are some lines that shouldn’t be crossed (again), there are some that are merely fun to flirt with and dance along there ragged edges, and there are some that I know I would cross (again) without the slightest hesitation, if given even half a chance.

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Relationships, Boundaries

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 2 comment(s)

Read about Trix's fortune cookie fortune today, couldn't help but think it pretty accurately sums up much of my current mood and was probably meant for me:

One of these days you will realise how futile your life really is.

Follow Up: Trix asked “where the ‘actual’ fortune is?” so here is my take on this small snippet of Chinese wisdom.

Firstly the Chinese define fortune, not in terms of good news, or actual money but rather a snippet of wisdom/philosophy that can be used to put life and its various trials into some form of perspective. It is used to give some guidance to take into the future, and in which to examine one’s past.

Life is futile. There is no grand meaning, no grand purpose, you live for now and the time you have, the only ripples of effect you have will only hold meaning to those closest to you. All else is futile.

It also means that we place too much importance on what we do, rather than who we are and whom we spend our time. The measured trappings of success are ultimately futile…do you really think upon your death bed you’ll wish you worked harder at your job, or showing the people that mean the most to you that you cared.

Your life is ultimately not as important as you think it is…we struggle daily for really the silliest of reasons, just as we hold to silly reasons of self, and dreams…

…all we are, is how we treat those around us, and the feelings we leave in their hearts, and the feelings they leave in ours.

The Dalai Lama said it the best when he said “the meaning of life is to just be nice to each other” all else is the futile struggle to gain the trappings society uses to measure the purpose of life.

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Wisdom, Other Stuff

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 7 comment(s)

I read this post at Idle Days a long time ago and have spent some time thinking how I felt about it, so in a morning of introspection I also read the accompanying article.

I wondered if being single is so great then why do we (actually forget we), why am I actively seeking a relationship? Why am I in a country spending time with a friend? A friend with whom I hope to have much more than I have now? The answer is painfully simple: I don’t desire, or want, to be single. But why?

I could wax lyrically about the qualities of the person I am seeing, I could extol her virtues, brush over her flaws (not that she has any) and while this suggests why her, it would do little to examine why I wish to give up the mantle of the single male.

mmm…lots of thought. An ice cold beer and a small measure of time later…

I like the idea of having someone to come home to or having someone come home too me, I really want to be able to introduce people to the lovely woman on my arm as “my wife” and be able to look at her and know exactly why I am there, why I chose her, and always wondering how I got so lucky that she chose me. I know there will be days of doubts, but above all I want to believe in this world of rising cynicism and failed marriages that I am better than the 48% of failures, that I can adapt and in today’s world with today’s expectations I can have a marriage every bit as successful, happy and together as my parents.

I want to be father. I want to raise my children, I want to fail at things with them, I want to find myself repeating the things my Dad did that made me go “when I have kid’s I’ll never do that’ simply so I know that the acorn didn’t fall far from the tree. I want to instill unbridled hatred of English Rugby, while giving my child unquestioned love and passion for the Wallabies and the running game. And while I know technically any man with working plumbing and a dick can father, I want to be one. And for me this means having a wife, someone with whom to share the load, burdens, heartache, smiles, laughter, joy and passion with. I have always said (and I would not be surprised if I have said it in a previous post) that when Franz Kafka wrote:

History is made up of the successes and failures
of each insignificant moment.

He was speaking about life and what it means to live. And more than anything I would like to find someone with which to share histories, not just the yesterdays, but the tomorrows, and every tomorrow. I want to embrace the simple advice given to Alice by the White Rabbit:

Begin at the beginning and go on to the end.
Then stop.

But I want to do it with someone who is more than just a friend, no matter how dear they may be, I want to "go to the end" with someone whom I share all.

I also believe that we are not “wired” to be solitary creatures. By our very natures we seek a mate, a partner to be everything we are not; as we are everything they are not. I do not define this by gender, but rather a basic need in our spirit that says “I am incomplete”. And while I agree with the article that it is rather simplistic to say that you have to be one half of a couple to be happy, I do think that we are made happier by being so.

I suppose the answer to why, is like the answer to all questions, quite simple. I want to believe that I can give unconditional love and are worthy of the same. I want to believe that, in all my searching, and failed relationships I have learned something, and above all I want to believe that that in the tragedy that is failed relationships I have not hardened my heart. That I have rejected a society that says I have to grieve and carry baggage as protection into my tomorrow, I want to embrace an idea where the simple concept is to do everything I can to not let this happen, so that I can give my everything to another. I want the romance, but most of all:

I just want that tomorrow to start today.

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Dating

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 7 comment(s)

…it is in all our natures to avoid that which makes us uncomfortable.

Unknown

Rather than face the truth we very often run from it, in short we deny and we lie to avoid making ourselves uncomfortable with our honesty…is it any wonder that the genders are so screwed up when it comes to dating if our natures drive us to lie to ourselves and rationalise it with the idea “that it’s for the best” and the better one “it will hurt the other person less than the truth”…which is your not into them, or you just want to have a night of meaningless and totally athletic sex, but nothing serious with them…

…see honesty is not that hard.

Is it really in our natures to run? I know most people have the “fight or flight” reflex, and I whole heartedly agree that with certain career choices, and certain training the “reflex” becomes a calculated choice weighing up profit and loss…but still why do people run from the uncomfortable truths that make us each unique…are we running from the pieces of ourselves we find distasteful or are we so in need of acceptance that we lie to self and others to garner a smile and kind word?

I think in the effort to be seen as a nice person and not hurt another we easily defend the indefensible and conveniently forget one thing, that the pain of truth told now is infinitely less than the truth of lie discovered later.

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Wisdom, Other Stuff

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 3 comment(s)

It’s sometimes amazing what triggers remind you of things you have been missing or put on life’s back-burner as other things just take over your waking hours, but not your dreams…

A slow meander and wander through the glass enclosed undersea marvels of the Shedd Aquarium, has me longing for the hiss of a regulator, and the slow descent through warm clear tropical waters, destination: anywhere. It has been a little while since I have been diving, more through the misadventure of circumstance and the decision to pursue other interests…but today I realized something, of everything I have ever done, it is the one I miss the most.

Maybe it’s time to get back in the water. Lake Michigan Diving anyone?

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Diving, Other Stuff

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 4 comment(s)

For the first time ever, through to the final 16.

Moore and Kewell...simply brilliant.

Ok, Kewell was off-side, but that only made up for the non-called hand-ball inside the box 5 mins earlier.

Watching the last 10 mins...

A dying minutes Red Card (Croatia), how dumb can you be to actually touch the ref.
A deliberate hand-ball by Emerton (Australia)...again how stupid.
3 mins stoppage time
This Pommie ref really is crap.
A goal box scrabble at the Aussie end and would someone please clear the fucking ball.
How could Simunic get 3 yellow cards and still be on the pitch???

WE ARE GOING THROUGH...

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Australia, Football, World Cup

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 18:00 4 comment(s)

She fears commitment too…

Learning that the woman in your life, who up until that moment had exuded confidence, assuredness and faith in the two of you, but that in reality was a veneer thin façade and a mask to protect and hide her own lack of confidence and fears is one of the huge surprises that you will be eventually faced with in all relationships.

The revelation that she is, while hopeful, as nervous of tomorrow as you are is likely to be a shock…especially when her faith in the relationship and therefore by proxy you, has oft been then thing that has gotten you through the shaky moments when you had to struggle against the flight response and chose instead to fight. Just as you needed her strength to fuel your faith in the tomorrow you both may share, she too will occasionally need your strength to bolster her belief that the two of you are destined to be.

The secret here is that deep inside, she is just as unsure about what she wants, and just as reluctant to give up her independence, as you are. So when you hear her say things like:

I'm not sure what I want?
Are you happy with us?
I don't want to hurt you.
I may not be the right person for you.
Are you sure about wanting this/me?

She is either expressing her desire to "get out" or more likely is venting her fears, looking for reassurance, seeking comfort that you are both on the same page. Which if it is, and you look at it by stepping back, is the perfect chance for you to prove you are better than the "guys" that you are a "man" and that you are into her for the long haul.

This is why in the beginning she exudes a full level of confidence in you and your future together, but once it starts to happen and the two of you are really a couple, she’ll start freaking out.

HINT: Lend her your strength as much as you borrow hers. And when in doubt, hold her hand in public…let the world know you are with nobody but her.

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Dating, Women, Wisdom

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 8 comment(s)

I don't tip because society says I gotta. I tip when somebody deserves a tip. When somebody really puts forth an effort, they deserve a little something extra. But this tipping automatically, that shit's for the birds. As far as I'm concerned, they're just doin their job.

Mr. White
Reservoir Dogs

Now I understand the “tipping” concept, I understand that typically the people you tip make shit money, and thanks to a government system that automatically tax’s at a set rate that without tips they would indeed make no money at all after hours, very often slaving away, so that we can enjoy our respite and rest.

Yet…I also agree with Mr. White.

Maybe it is my upbringing, being raised in place where tips are only given as an exceptional reward and usually of the type “Number 6, in the 3rd at Rose Hill” rather than a monetary recompense, so at the risk of sounding a little too much like Mr. White, I still struggle with the concept.

I struggle to tip for crap service. I rally against a system in which you are expected to still tip between 15-20% for service that is rude, slow or generally at odds with the concept of being a “service” industry. For me “service” means just that…SERVICE.

To be fair I have experienced some great laughs, some good smiles and some genuine “service” while in the US, and in those instances I have no problem doubling the tax and leaving it as a tip…it is a cultural thing, and while the culture here is not so different from my own, this is something uniquely American and as a world traveler I do believe in accepting and respecting the differences that exist across the globe.

But I struggle that when a culture adopts tipping as “the norm” then the quality of service slips to levels of entitlement rather than levels that warrant reward. For isn’t that what “a tip” is, a monetary reward granted by the customer for exemplary or exceptional service. Nowhere is it described as the right of the employee to be rewarded or to expect “tips”…and yet you see it all the time. Ordinary service and a sense of entitlement, register operates who if they were any slower would be in reverse…or with a phone glued to their ear, as you interrupt them by asking them to actually do their job. They say it takes 17 muscles to smile, 43 to frown, and fortunately it takes none to stand there with a dumb look on your face when a customer asks you a simple question…

…and at the end of this, after all the rubbish service, stupid looks, slow posturing and listening to her rant down the phone how he’s a dog and she’s a ho…I get to leave, money over the bill total from that which I have worked hard and for my trouble.

So if I struggle with the concept, please forgive me…but I can’t be the only one?

NOTE: Indiana does respect the culture of tipping that exists in the US, and thus does tip “double tax” minimum, but still feels that as an accepted system of generating earnings for staff, it is a flawed system that encourages mediocrity and not the excellence of service that warrants reward.

FURTHER NOTE: All the bar staff that have served me and my slightly inebriated arse in the last two weeks deserve every tip I left, and left willingly. Actually you all probably deserved more ~grin~

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Travel, Wisdom, Tipping

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 6 comment(s)

Me: I’m going to meet the parents…
Mate: Really??? Well make sure you’re not yourself, be someone else... ~chuckling~
Me: ~whispering~ Prick!

Meeting the parents is not, no matter how old you get the easiest of things. After all “Dad” knows what you’re either already doing, or rather hope to be doing with his daughter not only as often as you can but probably more so…and while he will ignore this fact if you “join the family” until then you are an object of steady, even if humorous, suspicion.

So over the weekend, I met the parents…and while that sinks in to the minds of my readers, let me assure you that the reality was in no way as scary as either the movie or your imaginations are making it. So how did it go?

As a believer that we never really truly know the complete thoughts of another, I would under that caveat, venture that the family, even dad…liked me. Which is a good thing, since my plans for tomorrow include their daughter…and while if I am 100% honest their support is not entirely necessary to bring all those plans to fruition, their support and encouragement are still wanted and desired. And so far it looks good.

I felt welcomed and accepted…we shared a few beers, ate entirely too much great food, and I spent time bonding with Dad and the Brother in Law, before listening too and sharing the types of stories that only families have and can share. So when the GF looked at me and asked “are you sure?”, although she was asking about something we are both not yet at the point to contemplate I laughed a “not entirely convinced” and yet knew when it comes to her, although we both have a few things to work on, I couldn’t imagine being with, or desiring anyone else.

Now I just have to find some one to one time with the “old man” to talk about “my intentions” ~grin~

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Dating, Women, Meeting the Parents

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 8 comment(s)

Yep, that’s right…while my Nation’s team is kicking arse in Europe proving we can “hack it” in the beautiful game, I am readying myself for my return to Wrigley Field.

Reading Dirk’s attack on both Football and then to a lesser extent Cricket, or rather his praise of all sport’s invented by the US, I can’t help but ponder not so much the differences but rather the similarities of both sports that demand the sun soaked months. So my return to Wrigley and the bleachers will see the Cubs do battle against Detroit just as I do battle with the scalpers on Sheffield to secure a ticket I don’t yet have…I still can’t help but look at the whole “fiasco/scene/drama that is baseball/cricket…

While I understand both games, and can, and have played both, it is not without a smile that I accept that both sports are at least today, not so much about the game or the athletes, rather that for the vast majority of spectators both games are all about sitting in the sun, drinking beer, sharing bullshit with the guy next to you, while downing a flour-meat* concoction and openly perving on the cute coed in the red bikini sunning herself three rows away…

…the biggest differences between the two…

…is that unless genetically encoded into your being or taught from birth Cricket is as unfathomable as Nuclear Physics…and in Cricket you get to perve and drink beer (not necessarily in that order) FOR 5 DAYS.

But I will be returning to Wrigley…and it’s been five years since I have sat on the bleachers…but then to be honest it’s also been five years since I was in the Windy City.

Wrigley...only Fenway, or so I am told, comes close…like Lords it is the spiritual home for many, and while many fans of the game may hate the Cubs, nobody hates Wrigley…it’s a small ground, you sit close to the action, it’s antiquated, the outside bar scene is legendary, the “ballhawks”, the dog vendors (serving what has to be the worst hotdog in the world), Old Style in a plastic cup, the 7th Inning Stretch, the El rattling through Addison in the background, the rooftops, and the after game crowds on Clarke and Sheffield.

It took one visit for this Australian to become a fan, maybe not of the game, but at the very least of the Field and the history it represents…baseball at Wrigley is as much a scene as it is about the game, and while sporting purists may lament this fact, the ground itself is vastly more successful than the team that calls it home, it is the ground that evokes emotion and has even old-timers staring wistfully into the past, it is the ground that has grown to be the Mecca of baseball fans everywhere, it is the ground, it’s obscured 500 seating, the ivy covered outfield wall, and the cast of characters both inside and outside the walls that makes this ground exactly what it is…Wrigley Field,** and those words really say it all.

So while the outcome of the game is in doubt, the four B’s are in abundance, and the field, albeit with minor changes, remains the same. Which for many fans is a most comforting thought.

* Either a hotdog or a meat pie depending on sport and hemisphere.
** This is a good thing for the Cubs since their collapses really are the stuff of cursed legend.

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Other Stuff, Wrigley Field, Chicago Cubs

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 9 comment(s)

A small lead is a tenuous thing to maintain, and yet the difference between victory and defeat is so small a margin. Set to accept the loss, and spend my afternoon “out and about”, a few minutes delay while writing an e-mail, sees the equalizer, and soon after, victory and then the beyond a doubt goal and Australia open their World Cup campaign with a spectacular last minutes comeback, and with it victory.

I wonder, not just in this sport but in all, how many other fans have stood and left stadiums, or changed channels in the dying minutes of crucial matches believing all was over…and only hours later learning that they had missed a late minute rally and a comeback…and watching the re-run is not quite the same thing.

…they say lots of things…but “never give up, never surrender” is one that sporting fans have seen, have experienced, and it is a message that so easily can be applied once the whistle and play on the field is over. Anything worth having is worth fighting for, worth “sticking to”, and loyalty is a trait prized not only between fans and their team but also between any who struggle for a common goal.

“The opera ain’t over ‘til the fat lady sings” or in this case the whistle blows…

And sometimes in life we need to be reminded by these "jaws of defeat" victories, that giving up too early isn't an option worth exercising.

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Other Stuff

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 7 comment(s)

This week's indulgence is proudly brought to you by the Blokes at the Pub with the generous support of Grey Goose Vodka, and since I am feeling a tad...erm...delicate, I will give credit where credit is due and thank the people at Jamesons. And, of course it wouldn't be friday without a lovely little indulgence, served by Girl Friday.(nsfw)

The Greyhound

Ingredients
Ice
2oz Grey Goose Vodka
5oz Fresh squeezed grapefruit juice

Instructions
Add Ice to highball
Pour in all ingredients
Mix
Add straw and drink ~grin~

Cocktail provided by Quietly Sipping Wine.

Jamesons

40% alc/vol

I will confess that I usually imbibe this over ice and savoured, slowly sipped enjoying the changes as the melting ice brings out a full range of flavours...however the last 24 hours has seen this pattern completely thrown out the window as maybe, and I say only maybe, that too much whiskey was done as shots.

So when I say that Jamesons has a very long tail, and if you enjoyed it the night before, you can still have it for breakfast, it is said with the knowing authority of experience. ~grin~

Round and smooth with sweet, spicy, toasted wood notes. Dry yet smooth finish with a longering crispness from the pot still, aged in American Bourbon barrels and using closed aged malts rather than the smoky peat fires of Scotch gives this drink a much smoother sit on the palate and prevents the usual “whisky burn” that accompanies such spirits.

Note: Indiana wants to encourage ALL of you to drink responsibly and not do as he does and wake with only the vaguest recollections of the night before…I remember lots of bars, meeting lots of people, some of whom I can actually recall, I remember rejecting a drink because I was too drunk and then somehow ending up in another bar anyway…

…so it must have been a good night ~grin~

Disclaimer: The Blokes at the Pub would like to thank all to the management and staff of all the Chicago bars that have in the last 24 hours contributed to my current "delicate" state. I'm sure we will do it again soon.

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Blokes at the Pub, Drinking, Bar, Grey Goose Vodka, Jamesons

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 11:30 5 comment(s)

“The greater part of travelers tell nothing, because their method of traveling supplies them with nothing to be told”

Samuel Johnson
18th Cent Diarist

22 plus hours of flying, crappy airline food*, stop-over’s and officialdom** and I just wanted the traveling to be done, and the destination to be now…but reflecting on the above quote, is it the journey or the destination that gives us the richest words to pen?

With books like 1001 Places to See Before you Die, and other “been there, done that” attitudes, travel has become a checklist of places rather than a rich tapestry of experience…so while I look for opportunities to explore not just the offerings of guidebooks and those labeled “tourists” or should that be “touron” but rather I think I need to find something a little more “local” or less traversed and experienced…

…I think my summer mantra is best offered by Ferris:

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while you could miss it.”

* Singapore Airlines have real gone down hill in the food department, whatever genius decided that Duck in Jus would travel well on an aircraft really needs to actually eat the shit his kitchen is serving.

** What has happened to US Customs Officials? When did they get lessons on smiling and being friendly? Full marks for whoever introduced this new “welcoming”, it almost makes the hour wait in line worth it…almost.

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Other Stuff, Travel

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00 8 comment(s)

This week's indulgence is proudly brought to you by the Blokes at the Pub with the generous support of Bacardi Rum (again), with a relaxing easing gut-wrenching introduction, or maybe that should be "headache" in a glass provided by Kalik and with a lovely indulgence, served by Girl Friday.(nsfw)

Hurricane

Ingredients
Ice
1oz Light Rum
1oz Dark Rum
1oz Triple Sec
1/2 cup Pinapple Juice
1/2 cup Orange Juice
1oz Grenadine

Instructions
Add Ice to highball
Pour in all ingredients
Mix
Add straw and drink ~grin~

Cocktail provided by Trouble in Shangri La.

Having lived for a time in the Bahamas, and this being the opening of Hurricane Season, I think it only fair that we all spend the weekend battened down indoors with copious amounts of alcohol and a few friends to last out the storm.

Kalik

4.8% alc/vol

This beer is cheap and next to Korean OB it is the most headache inducing stuff I have ever drunk (yep you drunk Kalik you don’t drank it ~grin~) While I concede that this beer has a crisp finish, is refreshing to the palette, and leave you feeling a bit Moorish*, and that my headaches may have had something to do with the quantity of this substance I abused…I will stand by my belief that it is a beer that does not travel well…and like Bintang in Bali, it is best to drink it only in it’s country of making.

The name Kalik, derives from the sound of a cow bell, but to best appreciate this noise one has to experience Junkanoo while drunk on Aenjo and Coke and vast quatities of the aforementioned beer.

I know that “Enough Kalik has found its way abroad to have won three consecutive Monde Selection Gold Medals from the International Institute for Beer Quality Selections” however I don’t really trust the French when it comes to judging beer…call me whatever you will, but French Beer…just doesn’t really sound quite right.

So give this beer a go if your in the islands, drop in on Ma Ruby and check out the burger that inspired the song by Jimmy Buffett and down a Kalik or three, but remember...only in the islands.

* This is not a slight on those proud and noble Muslim savages who raped their way across Spain, just as the equally blood thirsty Christian Crusaders did the same in the Holyland, but rather is the feeling one gets when you simply “want more”...

Disclaimer: The Blokes at the Pub would like to offer no thanks at all to the management of the Wala Wala bar for their assitance in testing these libations.

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Blokes at the Pub, Drinking, Bar, Bahamas, Bacardi Rum, Kalik

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 07:00 4 comment(s)