My Perfect Bar - I

Translated by
Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones, Jnr
Wednesday, September 20, 2006

These are the things I need in a bar for it to be perfect…

Location, location, location...

This is probably the most important thing for a bar, succeed in your location and your success, while not assured is definitely in better hands. And probably more than any other factor, this will be the first determining factor in both your clientele and your offerings...are you a destination bar, a local neighborhood dive, or a pass through bar after hours or sporting events.

And yes, a bar can be more than one...but it is hard.

Ideally my perfect bar is within walking distance or has easy access to taxis...at the point I am leaving one I don't want to have to deal with trains and buses and it would probably be better if I wasn't driving. ~grin~ So a quick 10-15 min stroll...or stumble and crawl is about perfect...far enough away that you have to make the actual choice to get there, it's slightly inconvenient otherwise I might end up like Norm, and inconvenient is not good, since I don't do inconvenient.

For me it would be somewhere the weather is warm, and thus encourages female patronage to wear less clothing*...this is not essential, but a bar that caters to only men, would not be one where I was comfortable long. (there are pauses in tv sport coverage, or while your friend takes his shot...and it is at these moments you need to have something to...erm...admire, or failing that try to impress her enough to at the very least give you her number)

If the bar plans to be of the variety that does not do food, which doesn't actually bother me, it does need a number of handy restaurants within "Cooee" who will deliver, a good pizza place on speed-dial is not a bad idea...the bar can even post the menu for all to see...a quick call...and steaming pizza is delivered without the bar needing to deal with all those pesky food preparation licenses...though I do think a meatpie oven is a must...there is something about having a meat pie and a pint when the wind is blowing and those tropical rains are cooling the air to a level that reminds you that I once owned something called a jacket or a jumper.

* My little brother: "Dude the best thing about summer is that women wear less clothing...oh hang on, you know that, you live in a country where its always summer"

Next: Brews & Shots

Note: Indy is still searching for a "perfect bar" in this little corner of the world, any suggestions, or hints for places he should try would be both appreciated by himself and basically not-so appreciated by his kidney's and liver.

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Blokes at the Pub, Drinking, Bar, My Perfect Bar

13 Comments:

   Miss Natalie said...

 Great post!

Location, location, location...

You’re talking to a real estate agent here, I firmly agree :-)

My favourite bar is absolutely nothing special, it’s my local – It’s walking distance from home so no worrying about how to get home. They have the best budget meals $6 steaks in Sydney’s eastern suburbs, it doesn’t get much better than that. The jukebox plays hits from the 80’s, non offensive and not too loud we can have a great conversation without yelling. A bottle of red goes down swell and there’s eye candy 90% of the time (I’ll never hook up with a guy from my local *again*) I love the big screen, State of Origin nights are awesome.. It’s been a while since I’ve been.

Ohh as an ex-Sydney boy, tell me, where is a good pub that plays some classic Aussie rock – live band preferably :- )


PS YAY! I'm first comment :-P

 09:32  

   Shaz said...

 Hmmm...the pub you're looking at is probably Ice Cold Beer at Emerald Hill, though frankly, chances are you'll see a lot more blokes than babes (unless you're on the second floor where there's always some girls trying to play pool but are basically using that as an excuse to bend over ;) ).

Otherwise, you could try the Dubliner at Penang Road? I usually go there if I'm dying for a Guinness...

 10:34  

   Steph said...

 Within staggering distance is a benefit.
Nice dunny's too. I cannae stand grotty bathrooms.

 11:29  

   The Screwy Skeptic said...

 and for those of us who can't yet walk into bars, a dorm room and a fridge full of boxed wine do the trick.

but when i do come of age, i expect a hearty list of near-perfect recommendations from you =)

 12:44  

   Jenna Howard said...

 Staggering distance is very important.

says the girl who has a bar across the parking lot

 13:48  

   Indiana said...

 Nat: I have not lived in Sydney for a long time, I wouldn't know where to even suggest...you would have a better handle on that than me...the places I have lived I could suggest 3 Alley Pub in Seoul Korea and either The Green Parrot or The Beach Bar in Nassau, The Bahamas...the jury is still out on Singpaore.

Shaz: I love ICB, but it does tend to be an expat hangout with an absence of women...and there is nothing wrong with cute girls bending over a pool table to flash their bum. The Dubliner is a great bar for watching the Rugby as I did for most of the recent Tri-Nations series, though I am more at home in Molly Malones...yet I am still to find a bar that is everything to be "My perfect" so I need to continue my search.

Steph: Watch this space, this will be a 6 part post over the next few weeks, and yes bathrooms are important in pub-math.

Screwy: You are already of age in this country and mine, so a guide you have if you ever get over here again.

Jenna: And how often are you there. That sounds just a tad too close for me, and my liver and kidney's.

 14:31  

   Scorpy said...

 The bar has to be far enough away to warrant a cab or close enough to stagger but too close can be too close. It must have sport, plenty of high top tables with stools, areas of the actual bar to sit and chat and a beer garden. The staff must know what you drink and have it filled as you walk in he door, they msut have easu banter and seem interested in what you say, everyone must know your name (Cheers) and daggy dressed individual males with testosterone problems must be shown the door. I have run a bars, part time, and really enjoy it. If I had the money I'd buy a lease but probably in a country town. I love the feel and the history of a pub rather than the polish and glitz of a 'cocktail lounge'

 14:39  

   Jenna Howard said...

 Not as much as you think as it's a pit. I have two pubs a 15 minute walk away that are much better. Or a two minute train ride away. And it's hard to shake unwelcome attention when they see you booking it across the parking lot to go home. Sigh. Just...shoo. Shoo. Although the bar that close is kick ass when it's hockey playoffs.

I designed a logo for a pub a few years ago as my brother set up the kitchen. I got a waitress fired because there was a hair in my pizza and when I dared to complain, she flung my replacement pizza on the table and stormed off in a huff. Maybe it was her hair? Needless to say after recounting the tale to my brother and the restaurant manager who came to see how we were doing (hey you throw my lunch around, I'm going to bitch about it), she was gone. Lesson: be nice to all customers as you never know who knows management.

 23:16  

   Summer said...

 Actually, Indy, I know the perfect bar for you... and you know exactly which one I'm talking about too. ;)

I want to live where it's always summer, you're so lucky.

 23:48  

   Spill The Beans said...

 My perfect bar would be Flannery's Pub in Cleveland, Ohio, if I lived in Cleveland, within stumbling distance. I friggin' love that bar. I wish I could transplant it to my neighborhood.

It's one of those rare bars, where, as a woman, I have always felt perfectly comfortable having a pint and dinner alone at the bar. That's a treasure, right there. The bartenders are funny as hell, the patrons are nice but not obnoxious, and the food is good.

 03:57  

   Paige Burns said...

 I haven't found the perfect bar either, and where I live the closest thing to a bar is TGI Friday's or Applebee's. *Shudders*

Otherwise you have to drive across down (or taxi, but in PHX that's $$$) to Snotsdale, er, Scottsdale which is filled w/ Metros and Bimbos or Tempe which is rife with not yet 21-ers w/ fake ID's.

Or maybe it's that I'm getting too old for bar-ing anymore...

 08:41  

   Indiana said...

 Scorpy: Watch this space, there are 6 catagories for a bar to be "My Perfect" so this series will continue...

Jenna: The problem with customers in a bar is most of them are drunk and therefore obnoxious, arrogant and general ass-shats

Summer: It's pretty hard looking aout the window most mornings and going "ohhh it's sunny again!!!"

Trouble: The Beach Bar in Nassau owned by my mate Marcus will always hold a special memory...ice cold beer, great shots, and the bar had it's own pool...can we say wet bikini clad women...mmmm spring break ~grin~

Paige: What's wrong with bimbo's? I do think you go through a bar maturation and yoor tastes and needs evolve, but there are some things a bar just needs to be "Perfect"

 09:34  

   Paige Burns said...

 LOL. After a while you'll get to realize I'm a hater hiding in sheep's clothing. Skinny white chicks with fake boobs, bleached out blonde hair, and voices that sound like they just inhaled helium make my trigger finger itchy, if I had a trigger finger. I think you get the idea. ;)

 03:25  

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