The Dog's Name

Translated by
Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones, Jnr
Tuesday, July 25, 2006

You can be nice, but…

A man has to have a bit of mongrel in him.

And yet while that violent, intense and animalistic side must be tempered with softer qualities, it is those very qualities that attract women to men.

John Eldridge writes in his book “Wild at Heart”:

Every man was once a boy. And every little boy has dreams, big dreams of being the hero, of beating the bad guys, of doing daring feats and rescuing the damsel in distress. Every little girl has dreams too: of being rescued by her prince and swept up into a great adventure, knowing that she is the beauty.

If we are completely honest, how true is that? Why is Ritalin prescribed more for boys than girls? No study shows a genetic predisposition for behavior that requires drug control and is gender specific. Why is it that those traits that once would have garnered a “boys being boys” roll of the eyes are now met with societal condemnation? Why have the dreams of male youth been castigated on the back of some liberal femini-nazi lobby group?

I think the saddest part of the women’s liberation movement, and God knows I believe women are every bit as entitled to equal treatment in all areas of society as men, but I am still saddened that the advancement of women came not by extolling the virtues of being such, but rather the denigration of those qualities once considered manly.

Too often you hear women cry: “where are all the real men?”

Eldridge answers that when he replies “you made women of them”…It is perhaps the saddest repercussion from such a high divorce rate that men are no longer given the example they so oft need to learn how to be men, for the truth is mothers, for all their infinite wonder, cannot teach men to be men, that is a lesson that must come from other males. Men do not learn the qualities and virtues of manly endeavour, they do not learn how to treat and respect women, from women…for that they need a MAN.

Or as C.S. Lewis wrote:

“We castrate the gelding and bid him be fruitful.”

Eldridge suggests:

“...the number one problem between men and their women is that we men, when asked to truly fight for her…hesitate. We are still seeking to save ourselves; we have forgotten the deep pleasure of spilling our life for another.”

And while few women really require that you “spill your life” for them, no matter what they say, no matter how much they abhor fighting, they dearly want to know that you would stand on the line, and bleed to protect them. There is a line in an old Tom Selleck movie (I don’t recall the movie save that he is an innocent man in prison), and the line is simple:

“You do not have to stand tall, but you have to stand up.”

…but to stand up, to truly know yourself well enough to stand up, maybe (just maybe) that takes a nice guy tempered with a bit of mongrel.

Technorati Tag: The Dogs Name, Women, Dating, Men Need Mongrel

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00

16 Comments:

~ good girl ~ said...: lol. You got me all fluffy headed there. I was ready to say something about "What's Your Word Worth?", clicked back here from Admin's and eh?

Excuse me while I go retie the ribbon son my hair.

GG x; 23:35
Indiana said...: GG: fluffy headed, is probably not the description a guy is searching for from a girl ~grin~ but maybe that's just me.; 23:58
~ good girl ~ said...: You don't like fluffy headed girls? Oh but why?! ;) Or have I been accused of describing you as such?

Probably the latter.

Excuse me again while I go read this post of yours. You're taxing my grey cells a little too much. While I blog about batteries and lingerie, you just had to go blog about honour.

Some people.

GG x; 00:43
~ good girl ~ said...: Every man was once a boy. And every little boy has dreams, big dreams of being the hero, of beating the bad guys, of doing daring feats and rescuing the damsel in distress. Every little girl has dreams too: of being rescued by her prince and swept up into a great adventure, knowing that she is the beauty.

I believe in that. Eldrige surely echoes many. I'll be honest with you, I don't know much about the feminist movement nor do I have an interest to begin learning. So many different schools of thought operate on the same fundamentals - fairness and kindness. I'll do this as best I can without suscribing to rigidly organised movements.

I'm not sure how many I speak for but I do want a man to be able to stand up to task, who is a provider, a protector and all the manly traits that come with being a husband to me and a father to our children. While I don't long to be in distress overly often, I do want to be the damsel. There is something about knowing that the person I am with is willing to and capable of letting me lean on him. And in return, a woman shows the strength of her love in all its myriad entirety.

they do not learn how to treat and respect women, from women

Hmm, I beg to differ. I think both a mother and a father can. Before a man knows how to respect a woman, a woman must first show how she desires to be respected.

I'll take a man with a bit of mongrel any day over one that's all talk and not much else.

Indy, you have my permission to start a list of your mongrel-men friends. I wil be delighted to peruse that and share the information with my girls. If not for myself, that is.

GG x; 01:29
Little Miss Drinkalot said...: "A man has to have a bit of mongrel in him" - what a nice way of saying "bastard". :); 02:02
Indiana said...: GG: I'll only list my eligible mongrel-men friends when I see a list of suitable women for me to peruse and ask out.

LMD: In my experience the nice guy alwasy finishs last and always gets hurt when he puts his heart on the line, while the "bastard" skates through life getting what he wants...so I figure the only way to remain true to me and have a hope getting what I desire is to have a bit of the mongrel...actually maybe more than a bit.; 03:56
lady miss marquise said...: great post!; 04:00
Neil said...: There's a lot of truth to this. There's a whole generation of men who are taught that it is OK for a boy to cry, then everyone gets pissed at them later in life for crying.; 05:05
Indiana said...: LMM: Thank you

Neil: It is only for a very rare situation that I shed tears more than once...but I do agree that there are still some events, some happenings and even some people worth tears...but only once, then I just move on.

Life is too short to shed tears for those who neither care or events you cannot change.; 05:18
Mel said...: Indy, great post. My opinion is that balance is important. Men have to be men, just like women have to be women - we can't expect men to protect us then complain about the way they do it. To stifle a man's need to grunt is to stifle some of his strengths - Most times I don't want my man to fight for me, but knowing that he would is all that counts - I want him to respect that I can do things for myself, but is kind enough to make me feel as if, just if I don't want to - he'll be there.; 05:25
Scorpy said...: Indy...this is a GREAT post. I heard on the news this morning the new call to arms - 'RETROMAN' he is at the other end of the scale from 'METROSEXUAL'. How come it s just men that have these tags placed upon them? 'SNAG' is another one that I hate. The Retro guy is the Marlboro man, tree lopping, mechanic, fix everything type of guy that knows he is a guy. Do women want two husbands? One in the house and one in the yard? Why are there not similar tags for women? Why do WE have to change? Why do we need a feminine side? Boys need DADS and those boys on Ritalin very rarely have a father figure (trust me I have looked at the research when they tries to put my Autistic daughter on the vile drug.; 08:12
~ good girl ~ said...: Well now... Ok, since we're talking mongrel-men, I suppose a fair exchange would require bitch-women..?

Leashed or unleashed?

Let me know.

GG; 11:10
lucy said...: Yep, this is just the opposite of your lady/whore ideal woman thang. I like a man's man, if I wanted a sensitive opinion or shopping buddy I'd call a girlfriend.; 18:48
Indiana said...: Mel: Sadly it is what society has continued to tell men they have to be, and as those views are perpetuated both genders will suffer from a situation in which what they want, what they desire will no longer be available.

Scorpy: I always find it incredulous that the women's movement rose not on extolling the virtues of woman, but denigrating the virtues of men.

GG: Well I think leashed in public, but totally unleashed in the bedroom.

Lucy: Unless your shopping for a TV, Stereo or a car, then your man want's to tag along...though shopping with gf has some advantages, can anyone say: lingerie shopping ~grin~; 23:29
Miss Devylish said...: "Men do not learn the qualities and virtues of manly endeavour, they do not learn how to treat and respect women, from women…for that they need a MAN."

Great post.. but I would disagree w/ part of this point. Every man I've met who has learned how to treat a woman kindly, respectfully has either learned it from his mother or has had more than one sister beating it into him and they have a better understanding of women all around. Not saying all men.. just the ones I've noticed there's something different in the way they treat a woman.. I've noticed it's.. softer.. they get us more. Just my 2+ cents. :); 00:21
~ good girl ~ said...: Ok, duly noted. Won't be too hard to make that list, I assure you.; 01:16