I think it was sometime in the second 24hrs when the euphoric feeling had dissipated and old ‘rubs’ began to surface…it started with a snide comment from
her, which put me on the defensive, with feelings that if this had been anyone else, and ‘goodbye’ was not such a finite distance from now, I would have been telling them to ‘fuck-off’ and go find hospitality elsewhere. Suffice to say it took virtually no time for the reason she is the X to surface, find affirmation and ratification in my mind, added to which her visit proved to be an intrusion into my life here, my heart has moved on and is looking elsewhere, she, like the time for our relationship had passed.

With 6 months to get used to the idea, the past month has occasionally thrown out “what ifs” and “maybes” but no more…I am glad for the past week, and I am also glad she has now gone. While I won’t go so far to say that all elements of the week were painful, too many were forced trips into a shielded me that I have been able to happily shed. They were returns to a person I no longer am and have no interest or desire to be.

And I for one am happy I had the last half year to “get over it”, for this final week was/is really the culminating of a severing, we’ll see how much contact remains, whether the friendship is real, or is a result of dating only. It will be interesting to see if e-mails continue to flow once geographical separation is at a distance equal to the romantic and emotional one. But I am happy, even relieved to be able to look to tomorrow, and set my guns on a new target, without the baggage that could have been part of the resulting fallout.

I think one of the saddest things about ‘breaking up’ is the unanswered questions, the pain of parting salvos, that force beautiful and loving hearts to retreat rather than to seek joy in life. It’s not that all aspects of the week were painful, rather most of the week wasn’t, it wasn’t painful, and it wasn’t passion filled…it just wasn’t…what it was, was a middle of the road, an easy sometimes uncomfortable tolerance. A steady passage of time, that came close to being time wasted, but not quite…in short in every life there are many weeks that do not blink on the radar of memory, and as such are never revisited, this was one of them. Just a grey week which blends into a background of mixed colors and is not full of the colors I would choose to paint my life with…