The Dog's Name

Translated by
Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones, Jnr
Tuesday, February 21, 2006

When in a relationship, there are 3 things I crave. The absence of these are my “Red Flags” and although I might have ignored them in the past, history and experience have taught me that they are as much a part of me as my...well...hmmm...leg…

PDA – Physical Displays of Affection: I truly love it; I’m not saying that to appeal to someone’s sense of “awwww”, it’s true! I believe that if you are together in public, affection that is seen by the world is a clear statement that you are “into” each other. This doesn’t mean it has to be over the top (though maybe that’s ok occasionally and if the moment is of the “let’s do it” type) but I mean, holding hands, gentle touches, cuddling even kissing. A relationship that can’t demonstrate itself publicly will not, in my mind, last without the declaration of we are an “us” that comes with PDA.

PI – physical intimacy: Whether you’re talking about slow Saturday mornings with coffee, croissants and the morning papers in bed, or rip the clothes off don’t make it past the lounge room, to quickie in the elevator on your way to a work social. There needs to be physical intimacy in a relationship. Ideally both of you are at the same place, willing to experiment to keep it interesting and have a similar attitude to giving and frequency. Intimacy is what separates the two of you from all your friends, and it is very important in maintaining that special value you place in each other, if you practice monogamy, then it is the only real thing you give each other that you don’t give anyone else. So it should be fun, enjoyable, exciting, sometimes messy, and arousing and, at least most of the time, mutually pleasurable.

VA – Verbal Affirmation: Guys love verbal affirmation. Very few of us got enough from our parents, and we like to know that we are doing a good job, that we appreciated and that you notice, not just in the bedroom but beyond as well. Besides that it makes us want to do more for you…so really you win out in the end. (Which can’t be all bad?)
If you read the 5 love languages you’ll find that the majority of guys list verbal affirmation and physical touch as most important, interestingly most women list quality time (which guys, means: sit down, turn off football, shut-up, look at her and most importantly listen. Sadly I am not always very good at this, but I am learning)

Which of course gets me thinking about what I’m looking for in a partner, what I can’t live without and what is vital for me to consider longevity and marriage a possibility, and what I'd want in a great shag.

mmmm...maybe in a future post, but then again, maybe not.

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 07:30

9 Comments:

Dusty Admin said...: Quite agree, Mate.

PDAs are great but they can make onlookers a little nauseous after a while. I can't stand a woman who refuses to show her affections for me in public and I'm sure many women feel the same way (I just re-read that sentence and realise it reads like I'm a woman but I can't think of a way to change it and have it make the slightest sense).

I don't know anyone who doesn't enjoy physical intimacy. I think the best one (short of sex itself) is a long bath together.. candles, soft music... the full monty. Either that or spooning on the couch doing very much of nothing.

Verbal affirmation sounds a bit odd though. With the exception of "I love you" (and I'm never afraid of hearing those words - providing it's not the very start of a relationship as it seems a little strong), I don't think there are many things a woman can say to me to along the lines of which you wrote. Hearing I'm doing a "good job" from my belle would seems a bit offputting to me... or have I, as per usual, got the wrong end of the stick?; 08:33
Rabbit said...: I love PDA as well. I'm shy about kissing in front of an audience, but I adore hand-holding and leaning against my guy.

As for physical intimacy, my favorite experience was the time my guy laid down on me and nestled his head between my breasts as we watched a movie. I absently ran my fingers through his hair and caressed his face. He fell asleep snuggling me halfway through the film.

Verbal affirmation is something relatively new to me but greatly appreciated.; 10:40
Steph said...: I strongly support PDA. However, there is a time and a place. I hate people that practically screw each other in public. That shit is just nasty!

I also agree that sexual compatibility is a must.; 11:50
Me said...: I'm quite fond of X's and O's.

XOXO, Me; 12:11
ChickyBabe said...: PDAs – within limits. I hate it when he’s all over me in front of male company.
PI – absolutely. It’s what makes you a couple, otherwise it’s companionship. And a matching sex drive.
VA – that’s something I have been taking more note of lately after the recent debate on my blog. It’s something that we take for granted at times, that men are used to rejection and lack of affirmation. Again within reason, so that it ends up genuine and believable.; 12:37
Scorpy said...: Indy, all things in moderation but IMHO I think you nailed it.; 12:50
Indiana said...: Admin: VA: Is more when a woman compliments you, recognises what she appreciates about you and is able to verbalise it...this of course works both ways.

Rabbit: PI runs the whole gamut from lets get naked and party to just being together and comfortable with each other.

And sometimes just leaning against the guy is enough to let him know you are with him...and most guys love that.

Steph: There is PDA that says I'm into this person, and there is PDA that says I am about to get in to this person...clearly the former is far more desirable and warrented than the latter.

And if you don't have sexual compatibility and chemistry I would have question what you are doing together.

Me: (sounds like I am talking to myself ~grin~) Me too.

Chicky: Men mark their territory, sure it's juvenile and a tad animalistic but we do. The more secure you make a guy feel in the relationship with you, the less he feels the need to "claim you" in front of your male friends.
And you are right if VA is not genuine and believable then it becomes a parody and will ultimately do more harm than good.; 12:50
lucy said...: I'm glad you mentioned that the Verbal Affirmation applies to both parties.

And god yes about the PDA and intimacy.

Although the two other's that must be there, for me, are honesty and the ability to make me laugh.

Those 5 are my ideal.

Great post as always Henry :); 17:53
Imelda said...: I agree wholeheartedly with your top 3, and have one of my own to add: The ability to get inside my head.

For this to be successful it needs to occur in 2 ways:

1) The guy "gets" me, and is able to prove this to me. I don't lay down the gauntlet and say "prove it" I just evaluate how he relates to me and speaks to me, and can tell pretty quickly if he's genuinely worked me out and likes me all the more for it.

2) This one is much easier for me to gauge. It basically relates to whether he becomes the sole object of my thoughts, or whether my mind continues to wander, even when I'm with him. If I reach the point where I think of him and no-one else, and I can't even imagine myself with anyone else, then I know there's some pretty serious relationship potenial.; 21:15