The Dog's Name

Translated by
Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones, Jnr
Tuesday, February 14, 2006

I know exactly when it happened, without meaning too, without even realising, unprepared and newly back in the game: I dropped the ball. The kiss was there, she wanted it, or at least was open to the idea but I missed the cue, and fumbled away the evening…

But it wasn’t all my fault…honestly ~grin~

We had met, as people often do through mutual friends at some swanky champagne do at a well known Singapore Hotel…easy conversation, easy smiles and a not small measure of flirting had led to digit exchanges with promises to meet up, and that had led to dinner. Which in itself should have been warning enough, I had extended the offer, and in Indiana’s world that means he pays, and thus we approached the first hurdle…her belief, or maybe her experiences had led her to believe that a man who picks up the tab also expects to pick her up…and so after assurances that dinner was just that and came with no expectations save a good time, it was to be, in her words a dinner “without strings” to which I agreed for in truth that was my intention…

So I lowered my game, a no strings dinner is a no possibility date, which is not what I really wanted, but you can never really have too many friends, and new cute friends lead to other new cute friends. But you’re not looking for things when she insists on “just friends” and therein lies the hurdle, and so I dropped the ball.

R works in advertising, from the mid North Coast of home, we had plenty to talk about and it was easy, no double translating slang, no explanation of summer cultural rituals we just, as much as any two people from the same place can, got along with each other…

Dinner was not too flashy, a quiet place along the river, a relaxed ambiance that befitted a “no strings, lets just have fun in each others company” type of dinner. A shared cab back to her place, more conversation sitting by the pool, an invitation inside for another drink, and I still missed it…small kitchen, doing the shuffle around each other as she poured a couple of Baileys, she looks at me, and right then I knew I should have kissed her…the signs were all there…but the “no strings” alarm went off and I dropped the ball. A stupid rookie mistake! Recap: Dinner, cab, pool, inside for drink, flat-mate out of the country (neglected to mention that bit didn’t I?)…yep no doubt about it I dropped the ball.

Which really is so unlike me, I never have trouble kissing the girl, sure I struggle (often) in trying to work out how she will respond and when to kiss her, but I have never had a girl go “Yuckkkkk” or “arggghhhhh” in fact most, if memory (it has been a while) serves me correct have screwed up there noses (you know the cute way women do it ~grin~) smiled and let me kiss them again, and again…

I have a belief in dating, you never ask a girl for a the kiss, just take it…if you find yourself asking the internal question “Should I kiss her?” or “I wonder if she wants to kiss me?” then your lips should be on hers by the time you finish the thought…her desire when it comes to the first kiss do not enter into the equation (usually, after all I did drop the ball) she has plenty of say on the second kiss but none on the first...it is far better to kiss the girl and drop the ball than to not kiss her and have the same result.

There is a book doing the rounds at the moment that claims to lay bare all the secrets of picking up women, a book that I admit I found certainly funny in parts, but overly non enlightening and unrealistic, rather reducing the pleasure of getting to know someone as an endless hollow quest for digits, save a few passages that held maybe a smidgen of wisdom, the first:

“There is only one ethical rule to seduction, leave her better than you found her.” Brilliant.

And the second is about asking for the kiss,

Don’t ask, as most guys do with a statement like: “I would really like to kiss you” and then wait for her reply, you have given her the power, instead ask: “You’re wondering whether you want to kiss me aren’t you?” If she says “no” you’ve crashed…if she hesitates…follow on with:

“Let’s find out.”

…and then kiss her…

And if you don’t know what to do if she says ‘yes” then reading my diatribe will not help you at all.

Addendum: Yep, I dropped the ball, but I do think I am not the only one responsible for this…the young lady in question never returned any of my follow up calls, which is a pity since I felt the evening had gone great. But obviously with hurt pride, she closed a door…which to her I would say, if you want possibilities don’t say “no strings”, today’s man has come to accept that “no” means “no” if you want possibilities say “maybe” and if you want more then say so…is honesty really so difficult?

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 06:00

16 Comments:

meghansdiscontent said...: Ball dropper????

Indiana, oh wise one, I expected so much more of you. :); 06:53
Mahd said...: My suggestion: everyone needs to wear a mood ring- then you can check it and go from there.

I agree, though; it will be obvious if she doesn't want a kiss...or more.; 06:58
ChickyBabe said...: Let me get this straight... She said "no strings" then changed her mind by going "back to her place", "by the pool, an invitation inside for another drink," and it was "Baileys" of all drinks, and you did a "kitchen shuffle", and no kiss??

Of course she didn't return your calls!!!! What stopped you?; 07:05
Indiana said...: Megs: Yep, even the Jedi Master Indiana occasionally fumbles the play.

Mahd: Knowing that she doesn't want to kiss is easy, knowing that she might want too is a whole other kettle of fish. ~grin~

Chicky: She said "NO STRINGS", men a very logical sequential (well this one is at least) if she had wanted possibilities she shouldn't have set those possibilities to preclude anything she may have wanted to happen. No matter what signals a woman sends, short of kissing him, will usually be ignored if her mouth says something different...especially after she had insisted on "no strings" not once but at least half a dozen times...that should have been warning enough and I should have just said "no thanks, I only date with the possibility of strings"

And yes I dropped the ball. I shouldn't have considered her feelings because in truth for the first kiss her feelings don't matter, what most women don't get is that men don't bother going on dates with a woman they wouldn't kiss, we don't see the point...so if I ask her on a date I already know I want to kiss her, working out what she wants...well in truth it doesn't matter what she wants, at least as far as that first kiss goes...a second kiss well she gets plenty of say in that. ~wink~; 07:37
Jill said...: I think what...as I was typing this I realized he has already answered. I'd like to point fingers, but I'm guilty of something similar. Told a guy I was unavailable. And now I'm a disppointed because I'm not convinced that can be undone. So, Mr. Indiana, you seem very wise, tell me, can that be undone?; 07:38
Indiana said...: Jill: One of my favorite lurks finally comments, damn now I will have to do the same ~grin~

But to answer your question: Yes. Men are used to women changing their minds, or worse not really knowing their minds, we've come to expect it and although infuriating it is also quite endearing...If you are sure you want to do this then at it's simpliest youhave to snog him...a big passionate kiss, that conveys all the intent and interest you have. Use alcohol if neccessary, but your goal is to get so much blood into the little head, that the big head forgets that you said you were "unavailable" and he simply kisses you back...lots.; 08:20
ChickyBabe said...: Did she say "no strings" as she poured you that Baileys by the pool??; 08:27
Jill said...: Excellent strategy. You are so fun! Chicky, why didn't you send me directly over here a long time ago?; 08:59
Steph said...: Ohh why the needless angst??? You go for the kiss when YOU feel the time is right. The worst that can happen is you get kneed in the goolies! Shessh! Men!; 09:04
Imelda said...: Indy, here's my take on things, based on my own experience as a "no strings" girl...

She didn't return any of your follow-up calls because she really wasn't that interested in you in the first place. If she had been interested she wouldn't have been so emphatic with the "no strings" comments, she would have instead left her options open.

So she went on the date with interest in just dinner and a nice evening of company. I have done this many times. A good meal and a couple of drinks ensued, you were no doubt giving positive vibes, and she started to go with the flow of the occasion. Her body had taken over from her head. Which is why she prolonged the evening and left herself open for the kiss. And had you kissed her, it would have no doubt led to more.

The next day her head was back in charge. Despite what occured that evening, she still had no underlying interest in you. Hence the lack of response.

I have ended up being intimate with several men who I had no initial attraction to, all because things seemed like a good idea on the spur of the moment. But it doesn't mean I felt any more positive toward them afterwards. I feel like a bitch admitting to this, but it's the truth.

I'm sorry you had to go through this Indy, and I hate how she has made you feel. I don't know for sure whether her motives were as I've described, but I thought it was only fair to give you an insight into what could possibly be the truth about the matter.

Please don't take it personally. Your "One" is still out there, and she's better off with a thoughtful, thinking guy like you than anyone else.; 09:32
Indiana said...: Chicky: "No strings" is a woman's way of trying to say "I'm not that interested" gently...even Indiana knows that.

Jill: Glad you like it, but we all want to know how it goes.

Steph: Flat goolies in exchange for a kiss...really depends on the woman as to the worth of that exchange...if it was you? ~huge grin~

Imelda: I know she wasn't interested, I went on the date knowing that. So then the question is why go on the date?

I was out of practice, I wanted to see if I could still flirt and make small talk and change a woman's mind...and I did. But I also dropped the ball when I didn't kiss her. I should have kissed her and then left, left her wondering what she was missing out on...ohhh and I wouldn't have stayed, the awkwardness in the morning wouldn't have been worth it.

And the truth is always welcome at this Blog.; 10:18
auburn said...: “There is only one ethical rule to seduction, leave her better than you found her.” That line is gold.

As for the rest, what Imelda said.

And Honesty is not so difficult.; 10:28
lucy said...: Holy multiple comments batman.

Am I the only who see's the "No Strings" as maybe out of context?

I know if I'm saying no strings it tends to refer to the......uh no strings benefits type of scheme?

Hence the coming in, the pool and the alcohol.

But I doubt it's that as Indy would never miss that one.....; 17:16
Indiana said...: Actually Lucy, maybe you are right, I never thought of it like that...maybe she meant "no strings" in the greater context, but was happy for a bit of "sport humping". I'm not convinced though, because she first mentioned "no strings" after I told her "dinner was on me"...but you have given rise to a smidgen of doubt...mmmm.; 17:54
Sass said...: Why kiss just to kiss? Had you really wanted to kiss her you would not have dropped the ball.

I enjoy your writing. I'll be back.; 23:42
Indiana said...: Sass: You're right if I had wanted to kiss her I would have, so 'I must not have been that into her"...and why kiss just to kiss? Why not? Kissing is fun, it feels great and I have been told I am very good at it. ~grin~; 07:23