The Dog's Name

Translated by
Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones, Jnr
Friday, January 27, 2006

While home last Christmas I spent a bit of time with my friend CC, she was in town doing whatever it is she does, but she still managed to find a bit of time in her schedule for us to hang out and discuss all manner of random things…like…did she still love her husband, and did she want to have sex with me? (“Yes” and “not while I’m married”), actually we got a bit more high-brow than that and some of those discussions will make up some of my upcoming Blog entires.

One thing we did talk about was faking orgasms…and we’re not talking about women doing it, but guys…yep, that’s right she wanted to know if I had ever faked an orgasm? Did I know anyone who had? And why would a guy do it? She had read something in one of those rag type magazines on her flight, from wherever it is she lives, and she wanted my input:

Indiana: “But I’ve never had sex CC, how would I know?”
CC: “Uh-huh, what about that time in LA with me at the...”
Indiana: “~erm…ok there was that one time, so what did this article say?” ~deftly moving the conversation away from my one successful exploit ~ grin ~ **

The article she had read (online version here) talked about the why’s of men faking it, and according to the article men fake it for exactly the same reasons women do. This article claims that 25% of men have at one time or another faked it…but why? If your partner feels bad about not being able to bring you to O, imagine how they’ll feel when they know you lied about it.

Just as I don’t understand the why’s of a woman faking it, I really don’t understand the reasons for a man to fake it…if outside pressure means it’s not going to happen, then accept that, enjoy the closeness and try again in the morning. Now Indiana, who may be in denial, would like to say that he has never been with a woman who faked it, but after reading this article, I have to wonder, not so much that they did, or whether they did…but more why the level of honesty and trust was not enough to move communication to a level where we would both enjoy it, and not have too.

I really think if you’re faking it, it’s not the fault of the other person, rather you’re at fault for not being honest…and once you start down that road of lies…it just gets too easy to keep going. If your not enjoying sex you are having, then often your own comfort and lack of communication are the cause…and if they’re not , then find a more caring and open partner.

And if it ain’t going to happen (usually a result of too much alcohol) then just make sure she has a good time, and, if she really likes you, she’ll let you play again in the morning, especially if you cook her breakfast.

** This fictitous conversation occurred, I believe, in a dream I once had, about an incident I think I also dreamed about...but it seemed so real. ~grin~

Lectiones Sacrae Ex Libris Indiana 08:15

11 Comments:

lucy said...: This is going to be a long comment, so I apologise in advance.

I've never faked it.I've never felt the need to, but on some level I understand if women do (Don't agree with it but get it).

During a recent gin soaked conversation I found out one my best friends has and does.

Her's is down to the fact that she doesn't orgasm during sex. Trying to explain to her partner that it's not him, it's something that he's not doing, that she is huge amounts of satisfied with their sexual relationship, it's not that she hasn't tried, it's just something that doesn't happen to her for now.

Yet he takes it as a personal insult and can get offended, so she fakes it to not hurt his feelings.

I don't necessarily agree with that, nor do I think it's the best way of handling the actual issue but understanding and following your partners wants and needs has a huge amount to do with it.

But the $64,000 question, have you Indiana?; 09:48
ChickyBabe said...: Whatever reasons people have for faking it, they are not being true to themselves. So I don't see the point of doing just to stroke someone's ego.

Faking it is basically telling someone a lie after an intimate experience.; 10:14
Imelda said...: I have only faked with one person - my ex-husband. It was in the dying days of the marriage, my libido was close to zero (due to stress), and I should have just said "No" but that would have resulted in yet another argument that I couldn't be bothered having.

So I lay there, thought of England, then pulled a few muscle spasms and ooooh aaaahs. The sex had been crap for quite a while anyway, so I don't think he even noticed.

One of the many reasons why I left him was because I (eventually) want to be with a partner who I can talk to about these sorts of things. We had been able to do so in the glory days of the marriage, but they had long since flown out the window by the time of the faking days.

I'm older and wiser now and won't ever find myself in that position again.; 10:17
Indiana said...: I understand, or rather can empathise with the idea of protecting that most fragile thing: the male ego. But I still can't help but marvel at the logic that thinks the lie will make it better. When he finds out, and he will, the lie will make the lack of satisfaction so much worse.

There is something about ego, pride, happiness and the ability to satisfy a partner that is linked. We want to not only be seen to, but to actually keep our partners sexually satisfied...the measure for this, has maybe mistakenly become the O. To lie about this yardstick is to call into question everything, and if you would lie about this so intimate thing, what else would you lie about.

The truth is that with a small dose of wisdom you do learn that there are times it's just not going to happen. You’re tired, drunk, stressed, or more worried about the dirt on the fan, for whatever reason it's just not going to work: I say, so be it, it's not an issue or a problem until it becomes a re-occurring one, but I wouldn't fake it. And no Lucy I never have, but I would and have when alcohol and lack of sleep have prohibited the blood flow to the right area, been more than happy to orally lavish a partner and make sure she has a good time...and if the feelings of "not happening" are mutual, then I say sleep and see what comes up in the morning. ~grin~

But fake it…to do so would point out more deficiencies in the relationship than mere lack of sexual satisfaction.; 10:58
Steph said...: Yes i've done it. He was banging away for frickin hours and if i didn't pretend to cum, he would still be plugging away NOW!

How can a man fake it? It's my understanding, correct me if i'm wrong, that there is generally proof, ie ejaculation, that kind of gives it away.; 11:26
Indiana said...: Steph: Why not just ask him to go down on you instead? If banging away like a pile driver wasn't working maybe a tongue in the right place would?

If the evidence is in a condom, how whould she know, how many women whip off the rubber to inspect the result? None.; 11:38
ChickyBabe said...: A close friend of mine told me in confidence that he used to fake it when he and his wife were trying to conceive because the pressure on him got too much. She never knew, and she still doesn't know. (they have a baby now)

I'd hate to be him if she ever found out!; 13:18
Imelda said...: Indiana,

Just so you know. I've tried posting a comment at Chasing Amy a couple of times now, and it won't let me.

Basically what I wanted to say was that the turning point for me was that moment when the fear of settling for what I had became greater than the fear of leaving it all behind.; 13:26
Indiana said...: Chicky: A lie discovered undermines so much, that in the end it is not worth it...just being honest is so much easier and so much more valuing and trusting towards the person with whom you would lie.

Imelda: Blogger occasionaly has these fits in which it is tempermental...not sure what cause's it, but I do know: "I didn't do it, nobody saw me, you can't prove a thing."

Fear is probably the biggest motivator and obstacle to all of life's choices and adventures.; 13:38
Sunny Delight said...: Such a thought provoking post. I have never faked it, but there have been times when a large part of me wished I had. Trying to explain to my partner that I do not always achieve the big 'O' during intercourse became more than I really wanted to deal with at 3am! My thoughts, if it is achieved in foreplay, during, or afterplay, all is good, to me all parts of sexual 'play' feel extremely pleasureable, I enjoy the state of arousal, and being 'almost' there just as much....well..almost as much :)

I agree, faking is not communicating in an honest manner, how can a relationship of any kind be a good one, if we can't express ourselves?; 00:57
Nick Curran said...: I think it all comes down to honesty in the relationship, as Steph mentioned. That being said, I feel a great sense of achievement (wrong word) or satisfaction (still the wrong word) in achieving orgasm in my partner, so incredibly much the better when "it" occurs simultaneously. So naturally the male ego, as Imelda mentioned, can be damaged or otherwise suffer where the ministrations performed don't achieve the desired end.

And there have been times when I didn't get my rocks off, generally after the second hour of shagging, when I've already cum twice before.

It's then that understanding and imagination of my partner comes to the fore and we take up the gauntlet in the pre-dawn. It's all about communication and intimacy after all.; 11:02